Perhaps this is M. Night Shyamalan’s apology for The Happening. “It wasn’t me! The Happening was written and directed by my second personality: C. Dusk Shyamalan! … And After Earth was made by D. Elevensies Shyamalan … and The Last Airbender was the product of S. Twilight Shyamalan.” That might just explain Last Airbender – nothing this century with the name “Twilight” in it has risen above the Ivory soap purity level of excrement.
If Split is an apology, it’s about time. I believed in you, man. And then … look, I don’t even want to discuss. You know what you did.
Speaking of fellas whose careers you might have questioned, James McAvoy has a bunch of fun playing multiple characters in the abducted-by-dissociative-identity-disorder-guy film Split. Actually, he’s not actually playing different characters so much as playing different personalities within the same character. I daresay some of his personalities enjoyed it more than others. McAvoy takes on eight (8) of Kevin Wendell’s reported 23 personalities in the film, but his bread & butter is put in just three: “Dennis,” an OCD New York accented thug who lives by a “just follow the rules and you won’t get hurt” code. Dennis is the one who carjacks the teens at the mall. “Patricia” is a version of the condescending school marm you may have experienced in your lifetime. Her attitude is similar to Dennis in the “I don’t wish to hurt you, but I will if pushed” vein, and Hedwig, a precocious-yet-innocent nine-year-old. The latter seems a great coup for Shyamalan, who has a fatal attraction to young actors – he loves having them in his films, but rarely gets a good performance out of one — So, hey, why not just have a child’s role played by an adult next time? Brilliant!
I kept hoping high school teens Casey (Anya Taylor-Joy), Claire (Haley Lu Richardson), and Marcia (Jessica Sula) would overpower one of the weaker personalities, but that’s a dangerous gambit in itself … how do you know Mr. Split isn’t going to find a sadist when pushed? The cat-and-mouse game or should I say, “cat-and-mice?” or should I say, “cat-and-cat-and-giraffe-and-emu-and-penguin-and-sloth-and-toaster oven-and-mice?” game gets more intriguing when the girls realize they might be able to use the personalities against one another.
Behind the scenes, Kevin’s hidden personalities cry for help. One of them keeps arranging for emergency visits with their therapist, Dr. Karen Fletcher (Betty Buckley). Her take is a unique one – not that this man is impaired, but he’s instead tapping into unfulfilled superhero potential. Dr. Fletcher has documented several of these personalities and has to guess which one of the 23 separate minds flagged her for the emergency sessions and which one shows up in person. Given her background, however, I was hoping Betty Buckley would declare a moratorium of sorts – “HEY! I’ve had it with the superfluous entities. Don’t you think Eight is Enough?”
Like a patient kid on a molasses-covered slide, M. Night Shyamalan’s decline over the past two decades from the heights of Alfred Hitchcock to the depths of Uwe Boll has been so methodical … so gradual … and so obvious that it was impossible not to wonder “why?” While there are myriad reasons, one metric has been very clear: Shyamalan became a terrible director of actors. Lowlit by egregious performance, The Happening was so awful, I truly thought Mark Wahlberg’s career was over. I openly wondered what would it have been like to be the assistant director on, say, The Last Airbender?
“You’re just going to
leave that take on film. Not going to get a second … or a third?”
“Yeah, why? Something wrong with it?”
“NO! NO! Not at all…” (mumbles to self, “assuming that actor never wants to work again.”)
So here we are with Split, which is nothing short of a dream role. James McAvoy got to put his entire résumé on display in one film. If he ever has trouble getting roles after this, it will have nothing to do with his talent. So which is it, M. Night? Are you the guy who tried to end Marky Mark or the guy who discovered Haley Joel Osment? Are you M. Night, S. Twilight, or something different altogether?
♪ One, two, three, four
Got a dozen, maybe more
People inside
Some are bad, go run and hide
Oh, teenagers alive in my cell
Do as I say, and we’ll be just swell
Oh, uh oh, you’re tryin’ to break out
Oh, uh oh, that isn’t allowed
B-cup, C-cup, now I can tell you apart
I’m bored. Stay here. One of us will watch Paul Blart
Those teenagers now have tears in their eyes
It’s not my fault; it’s me they despise
Oh, M. Night, you made a good flick
All you needed was one lunatic♫
Rated PG-13, 117 Minutes
D: M. Night Shyamalan
W: M. Night Shyamalan
Genre: Acting!
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Me! Wait, no. Not me! Him! The other guy! No, me! No, I hate this film!
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Clinical psychologists
♪ Parody inspired by “1234”
