If you’re really gonna give Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner a fresh coat of paint for the current climate, the beau in question would be … wait for it … a liberal. Ahhh, the horror! Dad would go nuts forever:
“You’re not gonna like it George.”
“Ok. I’m ready Martha, hit me!”
“He believes in science!”
(Winces)
“… and women’s rights, and safety nets, and diversity, and education, and gay rights, and regulation, and taxing the rich, and universal health care …”
(Cringes, scowls)
“ … and, no. I don’t want say it, George.”
“Go ahead, Martha.”
“No, George. It’s just too horrible.”
“I said, ‘go ahead, Martha.’ You tell me now, woman.”
(Gently) “All right. Your future son-in-law believes in … gun control.”
“NOOOOOOOOOO! That’s it! No daughter of mine is going to raise children without a gun in the house!”
My screenplay would have been touching and gentle, with both father and young buck eventually juxtaposed on bar stools at the local pub. The son understanding the wisdom of living a life ruled by ignorance and fear; the father understanding that maybe, just maybe, it might just be a good idea for government policy to be determined by people who are not billionaires and perhaps having guaranteed health care is not such a bad thing.
The adversary in question here is neither Bernie Sanders, nor Sidney Poitier. Laird Mayhew (James Franco) is a free spirited Silicon Valley multi-millionaire, having acquired a fortune by starting and maintaining his own video game company. Far as I can tell, the usually amiable Franco reached deep within himself to find a character everybody would object to on at least one level. Laird is a filter-free, intuition-free, shame-free, and boundary-free dimwit, constantly parading his colorful language, personal intimacies, and tattooed shirtless body around his giant estate filled with expensive artwork and a variety of international farm animals. The estate itself is paperless, a point which matters little until one gets to scenes involving food or bathrooms. There are several bathroom scenes in Why Him? Laird …“Laird,” huh? What’s the Last Crusade line? “If [he’s] a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse!” Laird is an odd combination of ultra-rich and daft slacker. Like so many wealthy people before him, he speaks his mind freely, without the slightest bit of hesitation or dishonesty and acts entirely on impulse.
Our rooting interest thrust into Laird’s realm is Ned Fleming (Bryan Cranston) a Michigan family man and small failing business owner. His ad company specializing in inserts and flyers thrives on paper, which, of course, is in declining need as we evolve. Ned is a dinosaur and he doesn’t know it, which makes this cringe-worthy pairing all the more nauseating knowing that, business-wise, the idiot future son-in-law is right most of the time. The women in this story, Ned’s daughter Stephanie (Zoey Deutch) and wife Barb (Megan Mullally), are little more than window dressing. Why Him? is entirely about Ned’s rivalry with Laird. Want a woman who leaves an impression? Try Kaley Cuoco, as Justine, the personal omniscient Siri of the Laird mansion.
The plot of Why Him? Is pretty basic – Stanford student Stephanie invites her family to Laird’s lair for the holidays. She omits a number of pertinent details, including the fact that Laird intends to host her family in his modern hippie compound in lieu of a hotel. Then every scene boils down to Laird introducing something outrageous (like having the Fleming 
Christmas Card tattooed on his back) and Ned looking horrified. Ned doesn’t take anything in stride, so the underlying question is “how many straws will it take to break Ned?” If you think about it, this is a detestable comic premise. I feel significantly worse about both Franco and Cranston than I did before seeing this film.
For all the elaborate set-up, I found the laughs scarce. My biggest guffaw came from a scene hinging around the term “bukake.” If you don’t know this term, consider yourself lucky, very, very lucky in fact, and, please, PLEASE, I beg you, DO NOT LOOK IT UP. There are things you cannot unsee.
Of course, you know this has to work out. Ned has to warm to Laird eventually. Makes sense, does it not? I mean, let’s face it, if there’s anything I’ve learned in the past year, it’s that white American men from small towns will gladly forgive a cornucopia of transgressions and character flaws displayed by other white men so long as they’re rich.
♪My son-in-law invited me to stay
I swear I wish that kid were gay
“Can you teach me to read?”
I said, “not today. I’m on the can right now.”
He said, “that’s okay.”
And he walked away, but he vowed to preserve
Saying, “I’m gonna get a tat of that, yeah,
Of him right on the can.”
And my fam’s in his cradle worth a silver moon
My girl might drop out of school in June
When do we escape, hon?” “I don’t know when.
But the film will be better then
Hoping some have stayed until then. “♫
Rated R, 111 Minutes
D: John Hamburg
W: John Hamburg & Ian Helfer
Genre: The rare combo of generation baiting and cultural baiting
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Masochists
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Insecure fathers
♪ Parody inspired by “Cat’s in the Cradle”
