There’s only one good reason to watch Kung-Fu Yoga, and it’s not the reason you think. Don’t watch it because “Kung-Fu” is in the title. Don’t watch it because it reunites Jackie Chan with his Rumble in the Bronx director Stanley Tong. Don’t watch it because of the blatant Indiana Jones rip-off. Watch it because … Bollywood Jackie Chan. Need I say more? Probably.
Jack (Chan), yes “Jack,” is the, sorry, “a” top archaeologist in China. Antiquities-wise, his focal point is a seventh century Indo-Chinese skirmish that left treasure buried in, I’m guessing, the lower Himalayas. Luckily, a hot young Indian professor (Disha Patani) comes along to tell him where to dig. It’s cute, if not a tad disturbing, to watch the suddenly energetic Jack start doing young man things (working out, handstands, etc.) to attract the attention of a woman 38 years younger than he. ZI guess comic relief has to happen before his team becomes Raiders of a Lost Ark. I’m not just being cute; from the moment a valuable 1500 year old staff headpiece is found underneath frozen tundra – wow, that thing looks so good … like the prop department made it yesterday! – Kung-Fu Yoga will remind you of other, better films.
I’m not kidding here – Kung-Fu Yoga even had a “gem atop scepter in map room” scene. Should I be pleased they were thoughtful enough to reference Indiana Jones in the scene itself? For a guy who has made his name on innovative action, Stanley Tong looks like he’s really phoning it in here.
This is not to say the film was without charm. Beneath the terrible acting and borrowed plot lines, there were a few unique 
moments, mostly involving animals. Ever seen a high speed chase with a full grown male lion free in the back of a station wagon? I think not. How about an trio escaping from a zoo enclosure literally fighting off a pack of hyenas? I’ll admit here … you either harmed animals or had some quality CGI going.
Kung-Fu Yoga concludes in India. If you’re anything like me, you will be underwhelmed when you get there. The kung fu is better than many of Jackie’s recent efforts, but the film will still feel like Stanley Tong was watching National Treasure when he “wrote” the screenplay. The plot resolved, the house lights went on and just as I was ready to sigh and exit the theater, the best thing happened – a Bollywood dance number, led by Jackie Chan. If you love Jackie Chan – and who doesn’t?—this is the best thing you’ll see in a week. It’s so completely irrelevant to plot and theme that Jackie pairs off with the bad guy, Randall (Sonu Sood) for the dancing. But story and history were hardly drawing me to the film in the first place, hence I’m willing to overlook the myriad flaws of Kung-Fu Yoga just for the Slumdog Millionaire conclusion. Hence, if you’re like me, stay until the very end because it may be the only way to get satisfaction here.
♪I got a filming permit
But I ain’t got nothin’ to say
I’m shooting in the morning
I think I wasted Jackie’s time today
The script’s nothin’ but tired
Not sure why I tried to write myself
Hey there baby, hand me that one on the shelf
I’ll just start a fire
Toss my first draft on it with a lark
If I can’t retire
I’ll just remake Raiders of the Lost Ark♫
Not Rated, 107 Minutes
D: Stanley Tong
W: Stanley Tong
Genre: Surprisingly little of either title discipline
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Jackie Chan admirers
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Plot fiends
♪ Parody inspired by “Dancing In The Dark”
