You know what I really want to do? I want to tail the exploits of an irascible loser for two hours. Yes. That is exactly what I want to do. Oh, and let’s make him a bridge-burner, the kind of guy who has a shitty personality and absolutely no give. There it is. Meet Jackie Burke (Robert De Niro), the kind of man of whom The Who wrote, “hope I die before I get old.”
Jackie is The Comedian, which I think is being generous. He’s not terribly funny. He doesn’t seem to like comedy. Nor does he like people. And he certainly doesn’t like doing his act. His claim to fame is a role as a sitcom family man cop on a TV show decades previous. He sure as HELL doesn’t want to talk about that.
Jackie’s trademark move is bending over forwards, covering his face and speaking an aside of his inner thoughts into the microphone. When he “revives” from his personal pow-wow, he forgets the vulnerability he just demonstrated and attacks, sometimes forgetting his weapons are words. This gets him into trouble early on when he tussles with a heckler and ends up in jail. This attack is when the normally reliable Taylor Hackford lost me. Don’t get me wrong, the blowhard has it coming; we are rooting for him to get a comeuppance, but it has to happen with language. This Comedian actually isn’t very good at language – let me repeat that: A movie entitled The Comedian focuses on a professional comic who doesn’t seem terribly good with words.
Do I even need to write more at this point?
While doing community service, Jackie meets the unfortunately named Harmony Schlitz (Leslie Mann, who at 44 is almost certainly the youngest person in the film). Jackie manages to convince Harmony that he’s worth an evening and Harmony grudgingly accedes … almost entirely because her own life blows. The highlight of this relationship is getting Jackie to lock horns with Harmony’s father, Mac (Harvey Keitel). I’m 
curious to know how many films Robert DeNiro and Hervey Keitel have appeared in together … and the answer (assuming you count the animated Arthur and the Invisibles) is eight (8). Who had eight? C’mon. Stand up and claim your prize: a discarded press junket for this one-star film.
Robert De Niro played a stand-up comedian 34 years ago in The King of Comedy. His act was funnier back then. Now, it’s just raunch and regret. I might forgive this film if Jackie were funny, but I laughed aloud maybe twice (once ironically) in two hours. This is decidedly one of those cases in which the material was punched up with foul language because it was decidedly weak. The highlight of this cavalcade of hilarity culminates with Jackie leading a sing-a-long at a nursing home of “Makin’ Whoopie” – except he substitutes new lyrics so the punchline chorus is “Not makin’ poopie.” I shit you not.
Seriously, from one substitute lyricist to another: pure genius.
♪Another film, another role
Another crusty old asshole
Another deflate, another berate
This shit is booty
A lot of snores can’t stop this vice
Legend Bobby, take my advice
Your jokes ain’t killin’, it’s kinda illin’
This shit is booty♫
Rated R, 120 Minutes
D: Taylor Hackford
W: Art Linson & Jeffrey Ross and Richard LaGravenese and Lewis Friedman (four writers, no winning jokes)
Genre: The frustration of age
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who like incest jokes
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody under the age of 40
♪ Parody inspired by “Makin’ Whoopie”
