Oh, goody, another episode of The Cube and The Noob. What, no Kevin Hart? Well, as long as you find somebody equally as spineless and weaselly to contrast with Ice Cube … What’s that? Charlie Day? Ah, yes, he’ll do nicely. I can tell from the preview this film is going to have at least a half-dozen cringe-worthy moments in hoisting Day not unlike a staged version of Peter Pan to the level of Ice.
It is the last day of high school and the kids are up to pranking before, during and after their classes. Stop. Last day of any American high school is finals. When did we forget this? So … did finals already happen? In which case there’s almost no point in school going on … or are finals ahead in which case why isn’t anybody studying and why is everybody behaving as if school is out for summer? … or does this school not give finals? I’m going with the last one even though said premise describes something that is not an American high school.
Speaking of things that do not happen at American high schools, this is judgment day – the school board has taken upon itself to review and keep/dismiss all teachers on this, the last day of school. I can’t emphasize how wrong this particular gambit feels. You tell a teacher this is his last day on the very last day of school … do you think his students ever get graded?
Moving on … the kids are DICKS! Their dickery ranges from the common vulgar: replacing a public trophy display with porn or a kid wanking in the bathroom to the clever vulgar: mowing a field to look like a penis from birds’ eye view or concealing a permanent marker chalkboard penis with unflattering-but-only-mildly-tasteless graffiti.
Now that I’ve set up this idiot plot, wimpy English teacher Andy Campbell (Charlie Day) is beckoned by history teacher Ron Strickland (Ice Cube) to help with an AV issue. When it is discovered that the “issue” is simply a kid being a dick, the overly aggressive and triggered Mister Strickland takes an axe to the kid’s desk. Despite a room full of witnesses, only Mister Campbell will admit what happened, and only does so in the weasel-iest way possible and only after Principal Tyler (Dean Norris – I think it would be funnier if Dean Norris played school “Dean” Norris in the film, don’t you?) threatens to can both men. Taking offense, Strickland insists on a post-school Fist Fight to get satisfaction.
And that’s why we’re here, to see Ice Cube deliver blows to Charlie Day’s face. The rest is just moments to make you wince, which I did several times 
watching Day trying to shimmy out of his assumed beating. I’ll give Fist Fight this much – it could have been more unpleasant. Jillian Bell is having the time of her life on screen these days. Both she and Tracy Morgan have decent supporting roles as fellow teachers who ought to be fired.
For this film to work at all, you have to imagine a student body so intent on anarchy, so self-satisfied with petty rebellion, so coddled with privilege that no form of punishment is a deterrent. And if you think about it, this is a film is which every single man, woman, and child who weighs in truly believes that the very best way for two adults to settle their differences is by the larger one pummeling the smaller one. Comic or no, that’s a detestable premise. I’m not going to call this exclusively American; I think there’s something very human nature about a feral desire to see a large man destroy a smaller one with his fists, but this ain’t a great time in American history to indulge darker instincts. Jillian Bell notwithstanding, it’s difficult to approve this one no matter how funny you find it – and it wasn’t that funny.
♪He says “we go outside and I’ll hand you a whipping”
I’m always worried about things like that
He says “my job’s gonna end and it might as well be your fault”
And he only looms when he’s incensed
And he screams with a voice so intense
He says, “Campbell
At 3 pm, I’m gonna kill you”
When he says, “Campbell
Well I can’t help but be scared of his fist sometimes
Says my brain’s gonna bash all day I believe it ♫
Rated R, 91 Minutes
D: Richie Keen
W: Van Robichaux & Evan Susser
Genre: Bullying
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Bullies
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Realists
♪ Parody inspired by “3 AM”
