Don’t mess with the guy who has a leg the size of a diesel truck. That’s the primary lesson I take from this version of Journey to the West. I thought there might be something about journeys or the west here, but Stephen Chow is saving that for another film. Hey, be serious, you can’t just go all in with a journey; you gotta pace these things. That’s why A Walk in the Woods was a 10-part miniseries, IIRC. It would be presumptuous to even set foot outside the door before hour three. Of course, if the guy has a foot the size of the house, it matters little. Hence, I come back to – don’t mess with big foot; Chuck Norris, pffft. This guy will roundhouse kick you into orbit.
Journey to the West is a traditional Chinese tale written in the 16th century about a Buddhist monk who couldn’t get enough suffering in his life, so he went lookin’ for more with the help of some sort of demonic medieval A-Team. I’ve seen this story filmed a bunch of times in the last few years and if it seems used to me, I can but imagine what’s it’s like to be Chinese. This seems like that period a few years ago when you couldn’t flip stations without seeing some new Cinderella adaptation … “in this one, she’s a Wookie!”
Nevertheless, Stephen Chow has a way of making a story his own no matter no recycled the plot. In the first five minutes, the devout Tang Sanzang (Wen Zhang) beaches a giant demon fish using imperiled locals and a series of see-saw catapults. Oh yeah, Chow is the guy who made Kung Fu Hustle, all right. Sanzang does all the hard work to quell the fish … after being strung up by the villagers, mind you (earlier, these folks captured a manta ray the size of a baseball diamond and insisted that it was the killer fish, objecting violently when Sanzang told them otherwise). And, after Sanzang essentially defangs the beast and turns back into a man, demon hunting babe Duan (Shu Qi) comes in late and bags fish-man, earning all the credit. What is up with that, China?
Darn that Duan … 30 seconds after emasculating the poor Sanzang, she falls for him and starts following him around like a dangerous killer puppy. Duan has a magical golden ring bracelet that does anything she says it can do (there’s a serious 
problem with magical limitations in this world – that’s pretty much a given in Chow town) and when the golden ring bracelet multiplies with ferocity to defeat the pig demon, you’ll swear Sonic the Hedgehog is about to make an appearance.
Journey to the West, that is Stephen Chow’s Journey to the West is a classic “the whole is less than the sum of the parts” film. Yes, the CGI is good enough to keep your attention through the battle scenes and the comic horror works for maybe half the film, but the love story is weak (almost certainly because it’s non-canonical) and the storytelling feels like means-to-end stuff (not unlike the Star Wars world). By that I mean action happens because that’s how the tale unfolds rather than an organic flow. This is pretty much why there’s less Journey here than Steve Perry’s first solo album. Perhaps they’ll get that fitbit in overdrive for Journey to the West 2.
♪When I’m battlin’, well you know I’m gonna scheme
I’m gonna scheme just like the warrior Lao-Tzu
When I go out, well you know I’m almost free
Except for the construct of will in men, it’s true
If I get drunk, well you know I’m gonna pee
So there can be a comic gaff with M. Shifu
When I’m loafin’, throughout eternity
I’m gonna be the man who loafs just like Siddhar-too
Well I would walk 500 steps
Until my feet were maybe sore
Just to be the Buddhist monk who
Captured that rank demon boar♫
Rated PG-13, 110 Minutes
D: Stephen Chow, Chi-kin Kwok
W: Stephen Chow and Chi-kin Kwok & Xin Huo, Yun Wang , Chi Keung Fung & Zhengyu Lu, Sheung-ching Lee & Ivy Kong
Genre: Fish tale
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: CGI fans
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Those without a stomach for comedic horror
♪ Parody inspired by “500 Miles”
