Is there an age quota on wildly reckless behavior? Because in the opening scene, Mad Dog (Willem Dafoe) murders -without remorse or real hate- a woman and her daughter all because she found his porn on her computer. Willem Dafoe was over 60 when Dog Eat Dog was filmed. Thing is, from what I understand, folks who commit empty murders don’t have a great shelf life. Does anybody make it to age 60 with “passionless murder” still on the bucket list? “Huh, lessee … climb Everest, check. Sky diving, check. See Raquel Welch naked, check. Oh, here’s one — whack a guy …” (scratches head) “ … hmmm, no I don’t think I ever did that. Better get on it.”
No matter. Suffice to say “Mad Dog” – can I call you “Mad?”- is the proverbial loose cannon in an ugly criminal trio. That’s two metaphors for one guy in fewer than ten words. This is worse than professional wrestling. The muscle in the group is Diesel (Christopher Matthew Cook), while the brains is Troy (Nicolas Cage). Is anybody surprised these guys are broke losers?
Dog Eat Dog is one of those films where it’s even hard to take pleasure in protagonist success. When the three men successfully raid a dealer’s stash, it is a moment for questionable reflection – we obviously feel nothing for the dealer, but the lack of professionalism and slew of racial slurs uttered by our “heroes” sour the otherwise triumphant mood considerably. Nobody in the audience is surprised or especially disappointed when each of these jerks in turn has a disappointing sexual encounter to celebrate.
A film like this always leads to one big score and the coup to get these Caged turds singing their way out of the doldrums involves, believe it or not, holding a one-year-old boy hostage. In the long run, this particular plot point will 
have no effect other than you have to qualify exactly the film in which Nicolas Cage kidnaps a baby since there now exists more than one.
I know what you’re thinking: this sounds like a bad movie. It is a bad movie. Didn’t like the plot, the supporting cast or any of the three leads. And yet Dog Eat Dog -strangely- had a modicum of style. It reminded me a bit of the work of Nicolas Winding Refn – gosh, I hate this film, but there was clearly an artist behind it. Now, I’ve been under the impression that since Nicolas Cage fell on hard times and traded any ounce of integrity for small paychecks, his projects have been the brainchildren of struggling writers and fresh film school graduates looking for a break. This impression is 100% false. If Cage shows up, odds are it’s a has-been parade. Sound the knell. Dead men walking. Why in 2016 alone, USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage was directed by Mario Van Peebles, Army of One was directed by Larry Charles and this film was directed by Paul Schrader. Among these three and Cage there’s about 100 years of Hollywood experience and enough winners to know the diff between Leaving Las Vegas and Bangkok Dangerous. Like Refn, Schrader knows what he’s doing and can do it with a bit of flair; does that make a travesty better or worse? In this case, I say “better,” but that merely lifts the film from “unwatchable” to “bad.”
♪There is freedom in sin, there is freedom in doubt
Try to catch the deluge in a wage recoup
There is nothing ahead, all the bridges are crossed
You’ll forever see the end of the road
When you’re traveling with he
Hey now, hey now
Your career is over
Hey now, hey now
When Nic Cage comes in
You’re done, you’re done
Willem, don’t be Defoe-ent
You know that you won’t win♫
Rated R, 92 Minutes
D: Paul Schrader
W: Matthew Wilder (NOT the one of whose stride ain’t nothin’ gonna break)
Genre: FYNC!
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Bug-eyed film school students
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Empathizers
♪ Parody inspired by “Don’t Dream It’s Over”
