The advice for any entertainer in the world starts with two simple rules: know your strengths, know your audience. The rest is finesse. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 wasted no time in adhering to these rules like pine tar to George Brett’s bat (forgive the obscure reference; I wanted one that was chronologically Peter Quill appropriate). The Guardians are hired to defend some power crystals or crystal meth or whatever on a conveniently battle-sized arena platform. Sure enough, some giant space octo-worm-shark attacks and our heroes are obliged to confront. Except instead of following the melee, the camera finds Baby Groot (voice of Vin Diesel) who joyfully dances around while the soundtrack plays ELO’s “Mr. Blue Sky.” Baby Groot, a pint-sized ent, is the most adorable thing on film in 2017, and I’ve seen an entire film about giant pandas.
This iteration of Guardians of the Galaxy sought to remind us “nothing is more important than family.” Wait. That’s Fast & Furious. Well, which is the one with Vin Diesel? What
do you mean “both?” Ugh. Whatever. Apparently, it applies here as well. Galaxy Vol. 2 threw fam issue after fam issue at us, and when it was through setting up the main gang, it even let us know that minor characters have families, too (they just have fewer lines), awwwww.
After everybody’s fav trash-talkin’ raccoon Rocket (voice of Bradley Cooper) cleverly drives the plot with an unnecessary theft, the film is ready to introduce some intense family therapy issues – first, Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) is introduced to his ridiculously powerful and previously unknown father, Ego (Kurt Russell). – if your name is “Ego,” what do you name your child? “Superego?” “Id?”—then, Gamora (Zoe Saldana) is still at odds with now captive sister, Nebula (Karen Gillan). I continue to wonder why Gamora is green and Nebula is blue, but this franchise isn’t terrific at explanations.
One of the reasons I was on board for a Guardians sequel is that this time around, there was no need for backstory, we could get straight to the silliness. And indeed, most everything on screen involving the 
three CGI masterpieces, Rocket, Baby Groot and muscleman Drax (Dave Bautista) — What’s that? “Dave Bautista isn’t CGI?!” You’re kidding, right? Oh, well – anyway, anything to do with those three was a winner. It’s clear writer/director James Gunn had a blast with anything to do along those lines. OTOH, when James found himself under the Gunn, all the serious stuff came out as … some sort of odd combination of simultaneously cloying and glib.
The culmination of this madness pinnacled at Kurt Russell’s overindulgent personal interpretation of the lyrics to the Columbia Record House hit “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl).” Now, I too, like “Brandy,” but it is a song that comes in a wide variety of cheeses from Brie to Velveeta. Using this particular stevedore philosophical diddy to explain life or as the basis of one’s paternal relationship explains a great deal why Peter hasn’t seen his father in decades. Are you personally trying to take kitsch to the next level? That takes no small amount of Ego.
And, dude, every single person in the film has daddy issues … are you trying to tell us something?
There’s enough of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 to enjoy it and enjoy it again. By itself, sadly underused Baby Groot is probably worth the price of admission. After that, either lay-off or buy-in to the family message; half-ass it and you’ll get to where I am, three stars out of four.
For Galaxy Guardians I root
Yet I’d rather see them quip than shoot
One, limited by sky
Despite ankle high
We’re just days from The Adventures of Groot
Rated PG-13, 136 Minutes
D: James Gunn
W: James Gunn
Genre: Goofy heroism, again
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who loved the first
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Loners, maybe?
