It’s been a while since I saw nuns beat up a guy. I mean, sure, it happened all the time when I was in grade school. Sister Maureen used to go to town on half the parents who showed up to collect their children; her favorite was a headlock/noogie followed by a body slam.
I kid, of course. My first grade teacher, Sister Maureen, was a very pleasant sixtysomething nun; to my knowledge, the frail sister never put anyone in a headlock and almost certainly would have broken a hip trying to bodyslam somebody. In fact, while I’ve certainly been privy to abusive nuns in my lifetime, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a nun behave like triggered trailer-trash (outside a Monty Python sketch that is). So, naturally, seeing a pack of 14th century nuns verbally abuse and physically beat a peasant was a bit of a revelation. A very welcome one.
In the nearby kingdom, Massetto (Dave Franco) is having a poorly concealed affair with the lady of the castle (Lauren Weedman). Upon discovery, Lord Nick Offerman chases him to the nunnery where Father Tommasso (John C. Reilly) can hide him so long as Massetto plays a deaf mute. At the convent, ring leader Sister Fernanda (Aubrey Plaza) is fairly hostile to, well, pretty much everybody, but is especially set off by pleasant greetings.
You get that this is bizarre, right? It’s a 14th century rural nunnery where the sisters abuse the staff, swear like stand-up comedians, and are constantly in search of sexual adventure. This was already a bizarre order what with the drinking and cursing and lesbianism before Dave Franco showed up. Now what you got is a bunch of hot sistahs (and Kate Micucci) all suddenly gripped with an outbreak of Nungle Fever; everyone dressed in black is jonesin’ for a Massetto burger. Do you suppose Giovanni Boccaccio had this in mind when he finished The Decameron in 1352? One rarely imagines a nun raping a man at knife point –and if I have any major criticism of this adaptation it is the handling of uneven sexual encounters; a woman sexually abusing a man isn’t any more correct than vice-versa and the screenplay needs to reflect this fact.
Answering the riddle, “what’s black and white and dread all over?” Aubrey Plaza makes no attempt whatsoever to find the light in this film. So naturally, this
is her best role ever. Now if only she could drag Sister Alessandra (Alison Brie) to the dark side. IMHO, the confessionals to Father John C. Reilly were worth the time investment by themselves. And as if you needed any more reason to enjoy this film, SNL historians will appreciate that Molly Shannon has risen from Mary Katherine Gallagher (as seen in Superstar) to head of the cloister.
Irreverent, crass, and occasionally hilarious, The Little Hours is the film for anybody whoever held on to a bad encounter with the clergy and needs some nun-chuckles. Look, they’re just people with the same wants and needs, like thieving the communion wine and dancing naked in the forest. At the end of the day, I think we can all relate and forgive.
A medieval convent, what fun!
Be sure all your prayin’ is done
Because after hours
Beware higher powers
No one raises Hell like a nun
Rated R, 93 Minutes
D: Jeff Baena
W: Jeff Baena
Genre: Fast Times at Cloister High
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Non-conformists
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Devout Catholics
