Who half-asses a kidnapping? Isn’t this one of those crimes you research? I’m no criminal genius, obviously, but I gotta figure that taking a person requires a little more finesse than taking a wallet, don’t it? Before you abduct a kid with extortion in mind, don’t you have to know a few things? Like, how deep are the pockets you’re finessing? How do you collect the child surreptitiously? And just how attached are the ‘rents to the little rugrat, anyway?
Margo (Chris McGinn) and Terry (Lew Temple) have done zero due diligence for their criminal masterpiece. Mom (Halle Berry) ain’t rich; mom ain’t lying down for this one, and their escape was far from clean. The last part is the one that gets me – if you get caught in the act, you have to cut and run, don’t you? Forget the crime. Plausible deniability is your new best friend. Who’s to say you weren’t helping Frankie (Sage Correa) find mom? “Oh, found her!” (Dump) “No reward necessary.” (Tires screeching)
No, mom loses Frankie in a crowded park while playing battle phones with her lawyer over custody, of all things. In another film, this might seem ironic, but we get the feeling mom the waitress doesn’t have the time or money to lawyer up at her leisure. Seeing the clues of trouble (e.g. an abandoned walkie talkie), mom races into action and actually catches Margo stuffing Frankie into a makeshift getaway car. Does no one use abduction vans anymore? Where are your standards, movie criminals? This is the point at which you cut and run, but instead 
the idiots go through with it and before long, mom is chasing in her vehicle. Supermom to the rescue! Uh oh, she dropped her phone; [deadpan] how will you possibly get the attention of the police without your cell phone? [/deadpan]
The greatest asset in this film is pacing. Kidnap wastes little time in getting to the titular premise – Mom loves child, mom and child go to park, child gets taken. We know just enough to root for supermom. Do you really need to know any more than that? At this point, it’s a chase film. Look worried, Halle. Now look worried again. And for this scene, if you could just look worried a little more. Great. We got it. One has to be reminded these days that Halle Berry owns an Oscar. I can’t remember the last time she delivered a great performance; I suppose it hardly matters. She’s good enough here to draw your approval, but this is an easy role.
Kidnap ain’t gonna abduct any awards. This is a simple -and borderline cynical- popcorn film ideal for matinees and at-home-sick-in-bed scenarios. It short and stupid, but perhaps mildly enjoyable, not unlike this review.
Frankie grabbed up when roaming about
His mother needs do more than shout
A thrilling seduction
This modern abduction
RLS, eat your heart out
Rated R, 81 Minutes
Director: Luis Prieto
Writer: Knate Lee
Genre: Bayou chasin’
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film:The empathetic
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The overly critical
