Disney did already do this. I knew I wasn’t imagining things. Ferdinand the Bull was an animated short for Disney back in 1938 and, though long forgotten in the United States, it is still enjoyed in Sweden every Yule season, I’m told, as part of a Donald Duck Christmas special. Should we be worried about a culture that into Donald Duck? Never mind. Today, it’s all bull.
Titular beast Ferdinand (voice of Colin H. Murphy as a calf, John Cena as an adult) is part of a small herd of bulls being groomed for professional sport. No, not the NBA. The kind of sport that ends in death. No, not the X-Games. Just like client change deniers, this scrawny pre-happy meal isn’t into Gore; he just wants to smell flowers. His athletically inclined peers think him quite the pansy. They’re all pushing for The Show, a face-off in the ring with a fashion-challenged Spaniard; a victory there is their only ticket to freedom. One can tell these Hunger Games wannabes aren’t well educated. Of course, they aren’t. They’re bulls. It’s not like they get into schools, like fish.
Kids ought to know that many, many cows don’t have happy lives. Getting a few cowlicks in before becoming a month of breakfasts, lunches and dinners is probably about as good as one can hope for when born bovine in most parts of the world.
Ferdinand’s pop is selected for the arena, but never returns, causing shock and dismay from everyone who has yet to see an animated Disney film. (“Disney: orphans are our bread ‘n’ butter”) Clearly, Ferdy is among the non-initiates as the realization causes him to bolt. I’m not quite sure how a calf manages the “train dodge” coup while the humans in chase cannot, but it’s plot convenient to get Ferdinand to that hillside where Belle sings about wanting more than this provincial life … or vida provincial, as the case may be. Enjoy the freedom, flowers, and lap-bull status while you can, my friend; when genetics take over and create a mammoth-sized big mac, it’s only a matter of time before Ferd is the word in bullfighting. Don’t want to fight, big fella? Don’t care.
So this is essentially a story about choosing your own path. Though Ferdinand may be the size of a greyhound bus, he is gentle and kind. He makes a nice role model; his story is entirely about defying expectations and not letting appearance control destiny. There’s a wonderful 
scene of Ferdinand hiding out in a store that specializes in wedding patterns – literally a bull in a china shop. The best part of this film, however, is a “You Got Served” style dance-off between the “shtinky” bulls and a trio of snotty German-accented Lipizzaner Stallions.
Peyton Manning voicing washout bull Guapo seemed a good call (or a good audible in this case), but don’t you think he’d be more comfortable voicing one of the horses? Maybe it’s me.
Ok, so, cutting the bull. Was this film good? It was watchable … and hard not to root for the big lug. I love the positive message, which should apply to youngsters in both appearance and temperament: Don’t let the size of Shaquille O’Neal map your future; if you’re into dancing, you’re into dancing. For all that, I wish this film had been a tad more involving. Ferdinand gets a lot of mileage out of the fairly forgettable personalities of Ferdinand and calming goat, Lupe (Kate McKinnon). I think both Cena and McKinnon are fine with the script at hand, but this ain’t exactly Robin Williams ’ genie as far as dynamic animated Disney personalities go. For a cartoon, there really wasn’t much here, and now I’ve seen animals drive cars in at least a dozen animated films. After the squid in Finding Dory, there is no improving this particular canon.
Toros are groomed as newborns
Yet some are not fighters, one warns
How now, cash cow?
To raise an eyebrow
Don’t take the bull by the thorns
Rated PG, 106 Minutes
Director: Carlos Saldanha
Writer: Robert L. Baird and Tim Federle and Brad Copeland
Genre: Standing up to bullies
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Flower children
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Socially inflexible minds
