Answering the rhetorical question, “Shouldn’t there be an age limit on alpha male stupidity?” with a resounding, “I know you are, but what am I?” Just Getting Started limped into theaters this week on the premise that someone might like to see Morgan Freeman at his worst. Oh, but there’s an added treat; it’s also Tommy Lee Jones at his worst, and Rene Russo, and Joe Pantoliano, and Glenne Headly, and Jane Seymour. Oh, good lord, you fossils are all too old to be in a film this bad.
Wait a moment, I’m Just Getting Started to tell you how terrible this film is. The entire film takes place at a retirement community where the women are cheaper than Canadian meds. Oh, Glenne Headly, what minor deity did you piss off so that you could play dinner scraps from the entree of Sheryl Lee Ralph? Hey, I’m so glad there are Fast Times at Cialis High in my future, but this material would be degrading by porn standards.
Duke (Freeman) is BMOC of Green Acres Fantasy Camp or whatever they’re calling this place. Freeman has now gone from God of the entire universe to God of “Bingo Night.” His high profile on the local level makes no sense once we get to the actual plot, but no matter. He is the puppet master of this failed revue; his geriatric lackeys carry out the feeblest of plans in order to support Duke’s massive ego. Oh no, what will happen when fellow big dog Leo (Jones) gets in on this urinary tract infection contest? It turns out Leo didn’t get the memo that Duke dominates poker night. [I’m sorry, but I truly don’t know how the dynamics of “friendly poker night” works; if you attend one of these games and one person wins consistently and you go home poorer every week, don’t you stop attending? Yeah, I just don’t get gambling in general, I suppose.] In fact, the 10-gallon hat totin’ Leo doesn’t seem to have any respect for the current sheriff round these parts. Speaking of the outlaw metaphor, why are old men packing heat in a retirement community?
Ok, perhaps you don’t mind seeing old men wage golf cart wars. Perhaps watching seventysomethings battle at ping-pong and limbo is your Smucker’s old-fashioned jam. Sure, why not? I’m going to be that old, too, one day. Maybe I’ll consider channeling my insecurities about the afterlife with collecting sycophants and being heavily armed at all times. Who knows? 
But nothing, and I mean nothing on this Earth gives you the right to show me Tommy Lee Jones and Morgan Freeman battle for the heart of Rene Russo like two idiot teens might. You know, after she picks who she’ll go to prom with, maybe you guys can have a towel fight in the locker room; that will make everything better.
I’m not sure if I’m disgusted more by the clumsy romance or the fact that once Suzie (Russo) shows up, all other women on the compound are obsolete. I guess you’re never too old to be leftovers. And leftovers would have been a nicer idea here; watching this cartwreck of flat comedy, I couldn’t help but remember all the good movies these folks have been responsible for. I really hope all of you jokers have more moves lined up, because this is just about the worst way to end a career.
His Devil-ish deal long struck
Has Mr. Freeman reached the end of his luck?
This mirthless blah
Proves the old saw
You’re never too old to suck
Rated PG-13, 91 Minutes
Director: Ron Shelton
Writer: Ron Shelton
Genre: Tired old people making tired old gags
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Over seventy and lacking taste helps a great deal
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who has seen The Shawshank Redemption
