If I am to be cosplay murdered, I think I’d like it to be at the hands of the Scooby Doo gang. Fred in his ascot, Daphne showin’ a little leg. Personally, I’m more of a Velma guy, so I’d love it if she could give a scientific explanation of my death during the process. Maybe Shaggy could offer a “ZOINKS!” while chowing down in the background. Of course, if I do get killed by the Scooby gang, I think such requires my last words to be, “I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids!” I’m pretty sure you want your last words to be spontaneous, so that might ruin the whole thing for me.
Speaking of cosplay murder, The Strangers are back to make life less agreeable for an unsuspecting nuclear family. Unfortunately, not everybody came fully prepared: within the girl-boy-girl trio of homicidal maniacs, the females accessorized with “Dollface” and “Pin-Up Girl” masks, while the fella did little better than a burlap onion sack. “Darrell! You said you were gonna get a really good mask. What happened?” Dude, look, the deliberate dragging of the ax on concrete totally works; I’m, like, really frightened. But, where’s the Halloween mask, pal? Look at the girls. You kinda phoned that part in.
Kinsey (Bailee Madison) is a screw up. If we couldn’t tell by her quasi-goth contrast with her pristine white-bread small town, we could tell by her 1980s-manipulated Ramones tee. I can’t hate any film that reminds me of Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, can I? Her parents (Christina Hendricks and Martin Henderson) are done with her act. It’s time for sleepaway, military, reform, finishing band camp boarding school. You brought this on yourself, Kinsey. Her brother Luke (Lewis Pullman), however, did not. And being dragged on an overnight car trip with your immediate family ranks somewhere in between drugs and LinkedIn on my list things teenagers should avoid. Sorry, kid, I’m sure this will all get better when we stop for the night in that abandoned trailer park. (Avoid cruel snicker … avoid cruel snicker…)
Now I know you’re thinking, “It’s past Labor Day; it’s night time, and I’m a teen in a powerless abandoned trailer park on the other side of civilization … does it get any better than this?” At this point, I think you’d almost welcome a trio of homicidal masque rejectees to put you out of your misery, wouldn’t you? Personally, I object to knifing Christina Hendricks first. I know this is based 
on true crime, but it’s Christina Hendricks, not only the only actor in the film I’ve heard of, but also the only actor in the film I want to continue hearing of. Can’t you make an exception? No? Boo.
The Strangers: Prey at Night is not as creepy as the original. The horror is buoyed by the methodical and the relentless—the trio is simply determined to kill the entire family, but they’re gonna savor each death like they have a pool riding on an exact outcome. There’s also an eerie supernatural omniscience to the muderin’ – they simple know where everybody is. You can’t run. You can’t hide. Not forever, at least. That said, the family here are morons. The atmosphere of desolation wanes considerably when everybody keeps making stupid moves. There’s also the part where we’ve seen it. Homicidal home invasion doesn’t get better in a trailer; there’s nowhere to hide. This all means that Prey at Night has some nice pieces, but when all is said and done is really not much more than another Friday the 13th retelling.
♪You’ve no guile, that’s why you must run away
Couldn’t see we’re gonna break your spine
All your moves could be guessed by eight ball
But I’ve got something that will make you whine
Gonna mess you up with my knife
All over your body
Gonna mess you up with my knife
All over all over
From your neck down to your kidneys♫
Rated R, 85 Minutes
Director: Johannes Roberts
Writer: Bryan Bertino, Ben Ketai
Genre: Welcome to the neighborhood
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Slasher film fans
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Relatives of the real-life victims
♪ Parody Inspired by “Dress You Up”
