It must make a guy so happy when his half-assed homework makes the big screen, huh? I once had a Hamlet paper in which I concluded the rhapsodic, troubled heir to the throne, “Was a Dane.” Some people cannot handle the truth. But nobody made it into a feature length film to play at the local AMC. Unlike Baja, which feels like a “creative” writing assignment for which the author received a D- but a studio greenlit for no discernable reason.
We start with the world’s favorite trope: the doormat-in-need-of-a-spine. I’m not sure why shoe store flunkee Bryan (Jake Thomas) has Hitler hair, but I’ll assume it’s part of the comedy. Doormat’s parents have entrusted [read: forced] Doormat to drive their new expensive RV to Baja California for them. Doormat immediately has to choose between this chore and his job. Thanks, parents! Add in Doormat’s irresponsible jackass friend (Chris Brochu) and a couple of galpals (Michelle DeShon and Arienne Mandi) and the comedy flows like swampwater, right?
It takes exactly one stop for Jackass to solicit illegal activity (phone smuggling), which exists only for the purpose of getting screwed up and put the foursome at odds with a local mob boss. Naturally, Jackass ignores the females he is traveling with and drags Doormat to the local whorehouse where Doormat attracts Carmen (Zoe Corraface). Carmen adheres herself to the group and the their trip, thus putting herself on the clock for days without anything ever happening because Doormat is too shy.
So, Doormat, if I’m understanding correctly: you like female companionship, but need it outside of the females you actually brought on your trip. This need is so great, in fact, that you will pay for it out of your own pocket. Boy, good thing you didn’t just tell off your boss and quit your job in an uncharacteristic spate of independence.
Oh, don’t worry about Lisa (Mandi) and Jessica (DeShon); they have their own weak story-lines. Will they make you laugh? Equally as much as the other story lines, I’m certain. Yes, the movie is set in the Mexican portion of California; however, I don’t believe that was title inspiration material. My personal guess 
as to the title “Baja?” So that audience members would be forced to laugh at least once (“Ba-Ha”) during the movie. This will prove essential as there are zero laughs on screen. I’m not kidding; there isn’t a single laugh in this film. Oh, we know it’s a comedy; it follows the classic repressed kid/rebel kid adventure formula as seen in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Actually, the more apt comparison is it feels like this film was cribbed from EuroTrip, except that writer/director Tony Vidal strategically avoided all of the ways in which EuroTrip was fun. Perhaps this is the traditional sense of “comedy:” i.e. “all’s well that ends well.” The problem with that interpretation is that also implies audience satisfaction, of which there was none to be had. I imagine Tony’s friends saying, “Dude, I’m so happy you were able to make a movie … but this film is kinda weak.” I don’t know where Tony got the money or influence to finance and bring a film to a theater near me, but I sure hope that spigot dries up fast, or the funds get diverted somewhere else next time.
Far from joyful, this film “Baha” be
Would it work if wound oppositely?
Any way you stack
It bites forward or back
Maybe “Ahab” can get a burial at sea
Rated PG-13, 98 Minutes
Director: Tony Vidal
Writer: Tony Vidal
Genre: “Comedy”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People on drugs
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Parents
