“No good deed goes unpunished” is one of my favorite cynicisms; hence you’d think I’d go bonkers for a movie about the subject, not unlike a cat goes for an open can of tuna. Distracted teen Haru (voice of Anne Hathaway) learns the pain all too well when she makes the mistake of saving a cat’s life and faces an eternity of hairballs in The Cat Returns, a Studio Ghibli offering from the early days of this century.
Now if you’re like me, you can’t get beyond the title of this film without Rowlf the Dog chiming in the background: ♪But the cat came back/he wouldn’t stay away/he was on the front porch/the very next day …♫ I mention this only because the title of this film begs the question, “Which cat? There are a lot of cats in this film.” After some research, I now know the answer; I’m still questioning the title. Maybe it’s about a bureau where you can return your cat; I’d be up for that — my cat kinda bites.
Haru is just mindin’ her own business lookin’ for the after school bubble tea place when a strangely business-like feline catches her eye. In my world, cats have two speeds: idle and breakneck, hence, this cat’s urban meander seems out-of-place. More so is the neatly wrapped package for which the beast uses its mouth as a cat’s cradle. After entering traffic, the thing suddenly remembered this was a fine time to lick itself or some such foolishness and before you know it, Haru races out and pulls a deft lacrosse move to scoop the cat to safety. And then the darndest thing happens: the cat talks to her and the scope of the tragedy of saving a life soon comes full throttle. That night, a procession of hind-legged-walking housecats parade down her block and promise rewards, for Haru has saved the prince of Catlandia or Catalina or Kathmandu or wherever. Tim Curry has a blast portraying the Cat King as some weird cross between a hard-liner and a hippie.
The following day, Haru is accosted by a legion of gifts only cats could love: a field of cat tails, outfits sewn with catnip, and a locker full of individually wrapped live mice; when told she has been betrothed to the cat prince, it is time to come up with a legal team of advisors including an obese curmudgeon named Muta (Peter Boyle), a murder of crows, and a dapper live figurine The Baron (Cary Elwes). Can they save Haru from Catworld? Should they save Haru
from Catworld? I’m a little torn here; we never really explore whether or not Haru is better off with the cats. Her life don’t seem so great; she’s constantly late for school; her mother seems unsupportive; her classmates can be counted on to tease her if given the slightest inkling. Seriously, she comes in late to class – the Professor dresses her down and every single kid in the class laughs for far longer than the joke was funny. How much worse, really, can Cat Kingdom be?
The Cat Returns is part of the Studio Ghibli memorial fest in American theaters this year. Clocking in at a reasonable, nay thrifty, 75 minutes, the film clearly couldn’t have been directed by Hayao Miyazaki. Ah, it wasn’t. So the film comes across as sort of a poor-man’s Miyazaki, bargain basement Miyazaki, or Miyazaki-lite … with 1/3 less plot, fantasy, and unnecessary crap as normal Miyazaki! I appreciated the story getting to the point and not lingering. There are a few nice visuals of giant labyrinths and castles, but it generally feels like Ghibli held back on this one. I liked Haru well enough to care about her story which is all that can ever be said about any movie. I will go no further than that. Isle of Dogs was far better than this film.
♪On the morning of that Noh art newsy
You get taken to a land sublime
Where the residents can be found sleeping soundly
Almost all of the time
He comes out of the palace with edicts spewing
Like a dishrag who’s just gone insane
Don’t bother asking for thoughts coherent
You’ll just have yourself to blame
In the lair of the cat♫
Rated G, 75 Minutes
Director: Hiroyuki Morita
Writer: Aoi Hiiragi and Reiko Yoshida
Genre: The secret world of cats
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Cat lovers, I think
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who has ever known the petty wrath of spiteful cat
♪ Parody Inspired by “The Year of the Cat”
