How long until we all get brain-phone implants, huh? Next best thing to telepathy, this future holds. Until we get there, we must endure more science fiction, emphasis on fiction. I don’t know exactly what you might do with a brain-phone other than sext incessantly and maybe google some stuff in between, but I’m pretty sure iBrain won’t allow you to play the Carnac version of Robin Hood.
Tom (Bill Milner) is a fairly average projects kid. He probably thinks a lot about girls and getting out; it’s a good bet that either would represent a major achievement for the awkward London teen. Still, Tom finds encouragement from playful rapport with Lucy (Maisie Williams), and accepts her invitation to come over for a spot o’ poverty. As they say, timing is everything, and Tom arrives just in time to catch the end of a thug gang rape. Charming. Fleeing for his own life, Tom races outside, armed goons on his heels. His attempt to call authorities is squelched by a gunshot to the head. Waking from a coma a week later, Tom seems perfectly healthy … except for the parts of the phone permanently stuck in his brain.
Phone brain might be a serious injury for other folks, but not unlike a comic book hero, Tom seems to have gained some physical attributes instead of losing some. Well, sure, he also seems to be a completely different person, too, but it’s possible the trauma alone would account for his sudden sullen serious. As for his head, Tom is suddenly in tune with cell phones; a little adjust and he can overhear conversations from distances away. Pretty soon, he’s texting with his mind and envisioning revenge scenarios.
OK, You had me up to this point, but then it gets a little silly when Tom effectively turns into iBoy! Faster than a run-on sentence, more powerful than El Pollo Loco, able to change apps in a single thought, it’s iBoy! Pretty soon, he’s locked into every street camera in London – and you should know that with over 500,000 cameras, greater London is the most watched city in the world. I get that Tom can do anything an iPhone can do; that makes sense. If you can train an iPhone to pick up signals and turn up reception then, sure, tell that story, be my guest. Say, when do you recharge iBoy, anyway? Cause I gotta say, my iBoy loses power constantly. Where does iBoy get updates? From the medulla app-longata? :rimshot: And, geez, if I’m iBoy, I’m constantly playing Candy Crush; you can tell 
by a semi-satisfied look on my face every ten minutes or so. I digress. The point is iBoy starts doing things that iPhones really cannot do, like robbing banks. This doesn’t make any sense. Also, I started fearing for iBoy; I mean, yeah, he’s got some weird talents, but he’s just a skeletal kid with a head injury; I’m not sure he’s up to physical crime fighting. Oh, he is? Wait. How?
I liked the beginning and ending of this film where Tom and Lucy have a gentle romance. I didn’t hate the part where Tom becomes iBoy … or the consequences of his actions, but the part where Tom goes vigilante is not nearly as enjoyable as the part where he’s just an English kid from the projects. I think this material would make a far more effective television series, where Tom remains iBoy, but has lesser powers, severe limitations on them, and acts like a ready-to-fall-in-love kid rather than Batman. This film is better than your average Netflix fare, and yet, there’s still plenty of room for improvement.
♪All of you punks!
All of you hissin’!
You don’t know just who you’re dissin’
iBoy (iBoy)
Yeah, come meet me
iBoy (iBoy)
The street will see
Farmville
On the count of three♫
Rated R, 90 Minutes
Director: Adam Randall
Writer: Joe Barton
Genre: Silly science, serious subject
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who have phones stuck inside their heads?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Scientists
♪ Parody Inspired by “Oh Boy!”
