The first thing I did after seeing this film was look up the ages of Michelle Pfeiffer (59) and Kiefer Sutherland (51). Aha! I was right; it wasn’t just an illusion of Hollywood. She really is almost a decade older than he is. That makes me feel better, strangely. I had it in my mind that Michelle was a fair amount older, but then I wondered if it was a trick of the aging standards for actors and actresses. It isn’t. Michelle Pfeiffer isn’t older because she’s been playing relatively older than her years; she’s older because she’s older.
Why did I care about such an insignificant matter? Where is Kyra? didn’t give me much else to think about. While telling the story of a middle aged woman who loses her infirm mother and gains a boyfriend, the film let the camera do all the work … and the camera wasn’t up to the task.
Kyra (Pfeiffer) and her mother Ruth (Suzanne Shepherd) live alone. It’s possible there was a man in the picture once; that time is long gone. Mom can’t really bathe, walk, or even breathe on her own any longer. The end game is near. So how does Kyra feel about this? As if in response, the camera takes long pauses on her face hoping for a change of expression and then cuts away to another film in which an old lady slooooowly makes her way about town. Wait? What’s up with that? Is that Ruth? Is that the present? Is that past? All that’s clear at this moment is that the film is in no hurry.
This picture has exactly two plot points. Well, three, I suppose, if you count, “I met this guy in a bar,” which would certainly count were the bar on Tatooine. Otherwise, there’s a drought of action in this film on the level of your average soccer match. The bar guy turns out to be Doug (Sutherland), who is slightly more employed than Kyra in that he has a low-paying job while she does not. This
film had nothing positive to say about the economy; were it more important, historians would wonder when it was written. Surely these can’t be the jobless conditions our Prez keeps crowing about, can they? In a more important film, we might actually discuss the relevance of Kyra’s inability to find work. Here? Showing us one failed interview after another isn’t going to make the film move any faster. Move it along, movie, nothing to see here.
Where Is Kyra? feels like a film school student boasting, “Check out who’s going to be in my movie!” It has former star power without the trappings of real stardom. This is the kind of role you take when your star is fading and you’re hoping your agent knows what he’s doing. The good news is Michelle can still act; the bad news is it’s completely irrelevant. She’s much better off doing smaller roles in bigger films, like Ant-Man 2 and Murder on the Orient Express. At least this looks like an ill-chosen vehicle for Pfeiffer; why Kiefer Sutherland found this role is beyond comprehension; this does nothing for you, Jack Bauer, nor would it were it edited by Hitchcock.
♪There fame goes; she once was a star
Now I ask, “Where is Michelle?”
Shows with Globes where once was Oscar
Now my screen asks, “Where is Michelle?”
A got a note from Netflix just the other day
It said Grease 2 is available for streaming
This artsy stuff is jive
Your career, it used to thrive
“Where’s Michelle?” I say
You got as scarce as Erin Gray
“Michelle,” I pray
“You know I dug you.”
“Where’s Michelle?” I say
“Is Mother the price I pay?”
Not fond of this way♫
Not Rated, 98 Minutes
Director: Andrew Dosunmu
Writer: Darci Picoult
Genre: Unemployment blues
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who really, really miss Michelle Pfeiffer
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Action fools
♪ Parody Inspired by “Who’s Johnny?”
