I have not given enough credit to the acting skills of Jason Statham. I have no idea how any man keeps a straight face while saying, “It’s Megalodon,” let alone serve up the line as something we should take seriously. I’m betting there was more than one take.
Megalodon or The Meg -as no one in the film referred to it- is a 90 foot long prehistoric shark and nemesis to the Statham players in one of 2018’s stupidest films. For those concerned that “Mystery Science Theater 3000” has ruined the sci-fi genre, nothing could be further from the truth; The Meg is proof that bad science on film has hardly disappeared, if anything, it’s bulkier, clumsier, and more 3D than ever.
The Meg is a 75% monster film, which is to say every time there is conflict between man and monster, 75% of the people return. It’s important to establish this ratio early on to let the audience know the beast is lethal, the choices are life-and-death, but most of the folks are going to survive, including somebody you might care about. The 75% ratio is front-and-center in the first sequence where action hero Jonas Taylor (Statham) rescues the entirety of a wounded submarine crew, but strands his two bestest buds cuz … danger. This sacrifice of some two-line characters establishes Jonas as practical and decisive to the audience, but heartless and “the boy who cried ‘shark’ “ to the ingrates he will obviously see later in the film.
An endless series of what-should-have-been-blackout-drunk-days-but-Jason-still-looks-pretty-good later, Jonas is needed again when an expedition below the Marianas Trench requires the only guy who has saved people this far down. And why is there need for rescue? Because a whale-sized predator living seven miles below the surface of the Earth is light sensitive. Right. And it seems like the thing hasn’t eaten since the Pleistocene age because it can’t not attack everything it “sees” … and these scientific blowhards just punched an escape path for Meg to enjoy some take-out Chinese. This calls for Statham at his Stathamest. Good thing air pressure doesn’t affect him the way it does every other human being.
This is a silly film. You get that, right? Of course you do. Jaws ain’t exactly quivering in her fins that her permanent residence at #1 Sea Terror Place has been subleased for a week or two. For some color, the film added action scientist romantic option A in Bingbing Li and Rainn Wilson as “that hands-on gazillionaire everybody hates.” They’ll give you something to root for as the movie elapses. Megalodon could use some work on timing, mood, and theme music, but the thing does have the menace of a lethal and motivated giant shark down pat which makes for a handful of exhilarating moments.
Jason Statham has been in better and been in worse; I expect that to continue. Sometimes the Godzilla Effect will signal a decline in an actor’s career, but I don’t think that’s the case here. For one, I expect The Meg to make back its whale of an investment. It’s not good, but it is exciting and movie viewers will forgive most any film that gets their hearts racing. This is probably the film Jurassic World II should have been.
♪Heads up, Meggy, I think I see a survey crew
Deep down here, it’s rare to get some sharky chew
I know your ego’s bruised
Cause Jaws IV they have confused
Oh Meggy, I couldn’t have died any more
You destroyed my tin can home
A thousand leagues due south of Nome
You ate my heart and that’s what really hurts♫
Rated PG-13, 113 Minutes
Director: Jon Turteltaub
Writer: Dean Georgaris and Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber
Genre: MST3K
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Thriller junkies
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Scientists
♪ Parody Inspired by “Maggie Mae”
