One of the fascinating reflections on modern American politics is the desire to appeal to both sides of the aisle. Unwilling to take a stand and/or fearful of protest groups, movie studios have -on occasion- deliberately set out to balance the scales between thoughts that appeal to red voters and thoughts that appeal to blue, and you can tell when they’re trying to do exactly that. I imagine the Peppermint pitch going something like this:
“Ok, what have we got for the MAGA crowd?”
“I think they’ll like it – there’s vigilantism, government corruption, conspiracy, lone wolf mentality, vengeance, violence, torture, gun abuse, a white hero, Hispanic villains, comically wooden characterizations devoid of depth and nuance and requiring no thought or reflection whatsoever …”
“That’s great! They’ll eat that shit up! And what have we got for the libs …?”
*blank stares*
*a cough*
*somewhere in the background a cricket chirps*
Timidly, a producing assistant raises a hand: “Maybe we could make the hero a woman? So it’s like a feminist thing ?” (voice trails off meekly)
“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Way too much balance there, Sparky! You’re gonna piss off a lot of red voters. Can anybody think of anything else?”
*stares, cough, cricket*
“Damn, we may have to go with the woman thing. God help us if there’s a protest.”
And that is how modern Americans “compromise.”
Attacking a theater near you is Riley North (Jennifer Garner) in Peppermint, a movie that shouldn’t work given all that I wrote above, but kinda does. And there is no question it will appeal to folks who believe justice cannot be had in the modern-day United States.
Peppermint wastes no time in demonstrating what it’s gonna be about as the film opens with Riley getting the drop on her opponent … in her car, no less, and showing all the mercy that your dog shows to something stuffed. When the movie returns after a peek at how Riley got here, we find that she has strung up three dead villains from the local ferris wheel. If you’re asking “how?” you’re not alone, and you won’t get an answer … and if you’re looking for a replay or a more elongated look at how Riley exacted revenge on the very men who killed her husband and daughter, you’re not going to get that, either.
Five years ago, evil druglord Diego Garcia (Juan Pablo Raba, looking a great deal like Freddie Mercury for some reason) pointed all guns toward North after hearing a rumor that daddy North was thinking about robbing him. Riley’s adorable daughter was celebrating a birthday with Peppermint ice cream when ubiquitous gangland thugs shot her. Despite this occurring at night from a moving vehicle and her attention completely focused on her family, Riley awakes days later from her bullet-to-the-head induced coma perfectly able to ID all three gang members. Oh, how I do love movies.
If that moment weren’t over-the-top enough, perhaps you’ll like the next one where it is quite clear from the start that the trial judge has no interest in justice. Really guys? You couldn’t even feign this? The problem when the real political world outside the theater becomes a farce is that sometimes art feels like it doesn’t have to try any longer. C’mon, art, I want to imagine we live in a world where there’s at least a hint of justice, don’t you? At the end of the mock trial, the killers go free with a “sorry for your trouble” and Riley North has to escape custody. You read that right.
Yadda, yadda, yadda, Riley North returns with mad skillz and starts blowing away everybody after establishing herself as “the angel of skid row.” Believe me when I say, “Yadda, yadda, yadda” is more than the actual film gave us. Peppermint wasn’t concerned about any Rocky-like transformation montage or even the
immediate piece of revenge on the drive-by villains themselves. This film is all about what Riley does after she kills the goons who killed her family.
If it sounds like I didn’t like Peppermint much it’s because writing the above I realized I had no respect for the film. I think it was shallow, poorly researched, and gave nary a single performance worth remembering. Personally, I doubt Pierre Morel has ever met a homeless person or drug kingpin in his life, much less a vigilante. The screenplay suggests both writer and director don’t have a strong grasp of legal process. That said, I liked the taste of Peppermint. One-dimensional or not, Riley North is an easy protagonist to get behind and her claim to justice is sound; quite frankly, I wanted very much to see how she’d destroy the local kingpin and his crew. I also wanted to see her blister anyone who enabled the miscarriage of justice. Peppermint isn’t a great film, but it’s a throwback to Clint Eastwood movies of the 1970s, ones I enjoyed very much as a kid. I will laud it for the memories if for no other reason.
♪She can kill with an uzi, she can wound with her knife
She can cut your jugular and screw with your life
And she can wire some explosives, detonating with glee
She screws with the mob, yeah she’s always amalgam of spleen
She once had two loves, and a fam in the city
Now she’ll hunt your ass down and shoot without pity
And she’ll take what she needs and then split the scene
Yeah, she once pushed for God, now she’s always amalgam of spleen♫
Rated R, 102 Minutes
Director: Pierre Morel
Writer: Chad St. John
Genre: Jive-time Jenny’s Revenge
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who form militias
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Judges, D.A.s
♪ Parody Inspired by “She’s Always a Woman”
