Joining the ranks of such notable biopic sequels as 42.2: Jackie Dodges Old Age, Lincoln: The Gettysburg Redress, and Apollo the 13th Part X: NASA Goes to Hell, Unbroken: Path to Redemption follows the continued adventures of American Olympian, WWII POW Veteran, and torture survivor Louis Zamperini. And after this particular audience torture survival, perhaps we will all understand why they don’t make sequels to biopics.
I was surprised upon discovering the Unbroken sequel opted for a new cast, new themes, and, clearly, a new writer and director. When a film, any film, opts for a sequel, one has to question why. What new information do you have to say about this person, this place, this era? The fact that it’s a biopic is doubly mesmerizing … the original Unbroken covered decades of the life of Louis Zamperini; what did it miss? The dull start and wooden acting didn’t answer the question. And then it happened with all the suddenness of an attack sloth and the subtlety of a Conservative politician ranting about the “War on Christmas.”
Imagine the scene – Louis has returned home from being a POW in a Japanese camp and is having trouble finding the fun at his return celebration. When he confesses to a man of the cloth that he feels God let him down, the priest powers back with a kneejerk and defensive rebuttal exonerating The Almighty.
Oh, shit. I’ve stumbled onto a Godsquad film, haven’t I? Ugh, no wonder none this fit with Unbroken 2014 … these Godtools bought the rights and are using the popularity of the original to sell a different POV. Yup. That’s exactly what’s going on here.
Any chance you guys can give it a rest until, you know, at least the latest revelation in abuses by Catholic priests die down? No? Ok, fine, then I will address the issues at hand: As I understand it, Louis Zamperini has endured having his plane shot down, floating helpless on the Pacific for 47 days, watching friends die, and being imprisoned and tortured for a few years … you don’t think the man is entitled to some bitter? No? Ok, Padre, then why so defensive? Your God is omnipotent; doncha think he can take a little salt? And while I’m there … God, I’m told, is omnipotent, omniscient, and benevolent … any chance He dropped the ball on this one? No?
So if you’re actually wondering why it was so important to make Unbroken 2, well, Louis becomes an alcoholic, gets married, increases his alcoholism until his wife and baby leave, and then finds God. In the process, Louis Zamperini (Samuel Hunt) becomes an insufferable boor. I tried to sympathize with him for a while because of the PTSD which one might expect, but nothing about the man makes me want to cheer for him.
Lacking for anything better to do, the government trots Louis’ drunken ass around to give the Captain America “buy my bonds” tour; then, the army dispels him to where all problems get sent eventually, Florida. It takes him a full five second to enroll in the “Slack-jawed Gawker School of Romance.” You want to know what White Privilege is? Taking a first date fishing and expecting there to be a second date. You would think a guy who drifted on the Pacific for a month-and-a-half would be uncomfortable about staring at an ocean for long periods of time. Well, I would at least.
Oh, and then Zamperini decides to give his indolence a the day off while he “trains” for the 1948 Olympics. Who
knows the truth to this plot device; all I know is he’s 12 years and a mountain of torture removed from Olympics shape … and he’s also preparing in a different even than the one he qualified for in 1936. All of this is set up for the man to get back to drinking, shiftlessing, abusing his wife (Merritt Patterson), setting up the ultimate in cinematic entertainment: where the sinner finds God and repents.
These films frustrate the Hell out of me (to coin a phrase), but it’s as much about tone as the Tyler Perry-level entertainment value. Only a modern American self-righteous, paranoid, Jesus-centric Christaholic could possibly look at the original Unbroken and say, “You missed the important part of the story – where Zamperini finds God!”
No. Nobody missed the important part.
Harold Cronk, I’ve put up with a lot of your Cronk of shit, but this hijacking of a real film and co-opting it for a little Godchat is beyond the pale. The fact that you need to make Christian sermons and sell them to the unwitting masses as entertainment is, in my book, a sin. The portrayal of Christians as underdogs and survivors is a joke. It is no wonder that your sect of Christianity aligns with MAGA so easily; you share the same imaginary complex – you constantly claim victimhood while acting the part of a bully. There is no War on Christmas. There is no shortage of Christians. Your group needs no help. Let me put it in your terms: you see yourselves as David, when you are, in fact, Goliath. Only Goliath could have secured a Trump presidential victory. Only Goliath would have desired a Trump presidential victory. And only Goliath needs more of these terrible films.
♪Oh I’ve been to been to Berlin, and paced that tall Finn
And came in eighth for der Fuhrer
In war, I got shot down and I nearly drowned
Got captured when I found shore
I’ve been tortured for years and near brought to tears
They did horrible things to my bod
But all that was meaningless
Till I found a friend in God♫
Rated PG-13, 98 Minutes
Director: Harold Cronk
Writer: Richard Friedenberg and Ken Hixon
Genre: The Christian addenda
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Christian Godfreaks
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who enjoyed Unbroken
♪ Parody Inspired by “I’ve Never Been to Me”
