Wildlife

For years, I have told you that I want to punch Paul Dano in the face. It’s nothing personal. Wait. Scratch that. It’s very personal. I really do want to punch him in the face. I have ranked every Paul Dano film by how much I wanted to punch Paul in the face. Strangely enough, Paul is often in good films; I acknowledge this by pointing out how even though I wanted to punch Paul in the face, that fact didn’t distract from the rest of the film.

Wildlife is Paul Dano’s directorial debut. As he doesn’t appear in the film, I could sit through it without wanting to punch Paul in the face. Unfortunately, while watching the Paul Dano directorial debut, I wanted to punch all of his actors: Jake Gyllenhaal, Carey Mulligan, Bill Camp, and Ed Oxenbould. The mystery wasn’t whether I wanted to choose among them; it was more on the level of who I would punch in the face first if given the choice. At the end of the day, I think I’d choose Paul Dano himself for directing his cast to act like him.

It is 1960 in Grand Falls, Montana and the wildfires are out of control.  The film only hints about the fires and then describes a nuclear trio of father, mother, and son, all losers. It’s easy to see the father, Jerry (Gyllenhaal), and the son, Joe (Oxenbould), as losers. Dad gets fired from his bootlick caddie job in the first ten minutes while junior is the only kid on the football team riding pine during practice. It is harder to see mom, Jeanette, as loser, especially as she looks like Carey Mulligan. I want to make a mulligan joke here about Jerry getting his caddie job back, but the truth is this whole movie needed a mulligan.

Being the 60s, we could chalk up mom’s ineffectiveness to the patriarchal misogyny of the era – sure enough, Jerry does a great deal to suppress Jeanette’s spark. Dude, when you can’t get a job and forbid your wife from getting a job, too, you better have something more than food stamps as your fallback. It turns out, however, that when Jeanette is able to make her own choices, they’re just as bad as Jerry’s. I honestly think the whole plot of this film is two parents rivaling one another to see who can be a bigger disappointment to their teenage son. Gyllenhaal and Mulligan both slog through this disaster like they lost a bet.

Wildlife is one of those films that makes you wonder why you’re watching it. It wasn’t as hopelessly flawed as, say, Ishtar, but it suffers from a similar malady: there is almost no scene in this unpleasantness that makes you want to watch the next scene. On the off chance a moment comes along that piques your fancy, it is almost immediately swallowed whole, diffused, or forgotten entirely. It is extra sad that the likeable leads play such reptiles I’d happily forget them and this entire picture. Do you think you couldn’t be repulsed by Carey Mulligan in a backless party dress? Think again. This film made me reconsider my thoughts of both Gyllenhaal and Mulligan as actors. Yet I know it’s not really their fault; when you get directed by actor whose identity is wrapped entirely in trying to get people to want to punch him in the face, that weaselly, loathsome approach can’t help but rub off in every scene he touches.

This couldn’t have been the plan-o
To garner a humungous pan-o
Next time, get a grip
Instead take a trip
Find some tickets and book ‘em, Dano

Rated PG-13, 104 Minutes
Director: Paul Dano
Writer: Paul Dano, Zoe Kazan
Genre: Getting this over with
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Paul Dano’s mom
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People that have a need to punch Paul Dano in the face