And here I thought “Coming of Age” films were a piece of cake. After all, we’ve had some great ones in recent years: Superbad, Kings of Summer, The Way, Way Back. You have some boys, an ethical dilemma, an adult situation, add a girl or two and blammo! Piece of American Pie, right? I guess when it’s done well, it looks so easy. Sad to say, my namesakes Kevin McManus and Matthew McManus didn’t quite get it right, and struggled to find the fun.
I went back and found this pic after discovering these guys were the writers of one of my favorite shows, “American Vandal.” The McManus brothers have just this one film to their credit and with this 2012 romp quickly established themselves as nowhere near the Coens, Wachowskis, Zuckers, or Warners as filmmaking sibs go. But they did know a lot about altar boy scams. 13-going-on-middle-age Charlie (Alex Maizus) drinks and smokes like he’s having a lost weekend instead of a vocab quiz. Siphoning communion wine into his own plastic bottle is just one of his questionable commitments to the Lord. Charlie and fellow altar boy/partner in crime Andy (Dylan Hartigan) think nothing of skimming from the weekly collection plate reaping and converting it to smokes and all-you-can-eat lunch at the Chinese buffet.
I’d be down on the boys for their half-assed commitment to heaven-sent duties, but the Catholic Church has far more to concern itself with these days than a pair of wayward teens. Filling a vacancy in the funeral rotation, new kid David (Jordan Puzzo) turns out to be a minor league celebrity, having recently co-starred in the R-rated film-in-a-film Bloody Knuckles. That stuff always makes me wonder if kids who star in R-rated films are allowed to watch them. Around Charlie and Andy, David is their conscience … their uptight, no-good, namby-pamby conscience. What fun is that? The two have to bully him to go along with their schemes just to get out of school for the afternoon—otherwise, David’s an informant.
One evening, the dismissed juror, er, altar boy leaves a trunk of goodies at David’s house. This essentially becomes
the plot of the film – dealing with that trunk, oh, and getting underage kids to view Bloody Knuckles – which sounded to me like an art film about spousal abuse. Gee, kids, after that, why not try Naked Lunch and Barton Fink? The world is just full of adult films that will disappoint horny boys.
Funeral Kings had a few moments. I’m not proud of enjoying the opening scene where both kids ogle a voluptuous coed funeral attendee and find themselves subsequently unable to perform duties that involve not being erect. I won’t say that was necessarily the highlight of the picture, but that –unfortunately- was about as fun as it got. Superbad this film ain’t, which is a shame because I think there was more potential here given the subject matter.
Watching the endless service halter
These boys can turn rock into Gibraltar
No offense, kids
But when I hit the skids
I do hope you’ll leave me at the altar
Rated R, 85 Minutes
Director: Kevin McManus, Matthew McManus
Writer: Kevin McManus, Matthew McManus
Genre: The suck of pre-cool
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Boys who are 13-going-on-30
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Their hapless parents
