I watch the “gang rumble” scenes in Anchorman & Anchorman 2 for fun. I will defend Blades of Glory and Step Brothers like they’re my children. I quote Zoolander and Talladega Nights without prompting. I enjoyed Semi-Pro and The Other Guys. I even have a soft spot for Land of the Lost; how can you hate stoned dudes playing “Marco Polo” in a hot tub? I’m telling you this to let you know that I hold no grudge against Will Ferrell or his pal John C. Reilly. In fact, I often find them amusing, even when others do not. Hence, it brings me no pleasure to report that Holmes & Watson is among the worst comedies I have ever seen.
Sherlock Holmes has been rife for parody since deerstalking was an actual thing. The recent advent of BBC’s “Sherlock” and the Robert Downey follies has only exacerbated matters. So how the Hell did two funny fellows mange to avoid any winning jokes for a full ninety minutes? Watching Holmes & Watson (And the Case of the Shitty Plot) is like watching UN hazmats working a field of land mines. Carefully stepping so as to avoid any potential of humor, Holmes (Farrell) and Watson (Reilly) daintily proceed as if the discovery of a real joke would cause the picture to explode. Luckily, there was no real chance of that.
One of the huge problems of Holmes & Watson is inconsistency of character. Michael Caine scored big tongue-in-cheek points presenting the legendary detective as a daft celebrity in Without a Clue. Farrell’s Holmes varies between genius and moron without convincing us completely of either. Which is it, Will? Is he too-brilliant-for-us-to-understand or a hyped-up-moron? In the initial scenes, he almost lets Moriarty (Ralph Fiennes) off the hook because he can’t identify a new hat. The red “Make England Great Again” fez might have been an amusing option were it not completely out-of-place. When Holmes finally does show up at Moriarty’s trial, he declares his nemesis innocent for not being the genuine article and lets him go to thunderous applause. Naturally, a body turns up dead within hours.
To complement Holmes’ doofery, Reilly plays Watson as his witless sycophant. Hence, the greatest crime-solving team in the history of fiction is reduced to a third-rate Laurel and Hardy. And, you know, that’s fine if there’s some humor in all this … yet the funniest thing I saw in the first 75 minutes was Watson’s attempt to take a selfie with a 19th century camera. The trailer cut is better than the theater for this joke.
Holmes is then summoned to protect Queen Victoria (Pam Ferris). The jokes here being that Watson seems sexually attracted to the Queen and Holmes is carving a dead-body laden celebration cake. Jump in if you find any of this funny. Eventually, the crime spree takes us to the birth/berth of the Titanic, all too fitting given the disaster this picture turned out to be. Boarding the iceberg magnet led to the best joke of the night where Will Ferrell points out Billy Zane. This joke, however, is muted considerably by Holmes calling Billy by name as if desperate for the audience to identify the humor in labeling the villain of the James Cameron epic. Phew! Almost hit the mine that time! Crisis averted.
Not long ago, I shredded the new Rowan Atkinson parody Johnny English Strikes Again. I found the film a tired retread, nowhere close to Atkinson’s best material and not worth of the time investment. Johnny English Strikes Again was Airplane! compared to Holmes & Watson. I really don’t know what got into Ferrell and Reilly to produce such a weak script, but I’m going to forget this terrible film, forgive the pair for their huge error and pray it never happens again. I can only imagine what people who hate Will Ferrell think of this film. My half-star is letting it off easy.
A man of renowned inspection
Will plays in need of correction
The great Sherlock Homes
In humor’s catacombs
For the jokes have eluded detection
Rated PG-13, 90 Minutes
Director: Etan Cohen (I wonder if he has a brother named “Jol”)
Writer: Etan Cohen
Genre: Getting it really really wrong
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Hmmm … people who enjoy witnessing freeway accidents
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Well, there certainly would be a contest, wouldn’t there? Anglophiles, bibliophiles, fans of Sherlock, fans of comedies, fans of tragedies
