Do you have any idea how hard it is to make the same movie with all new stuff? Mary Poppins Returns is a masterpiece of forgery. Removed by over fifty years on the clock, using an entirely new cast and crew far removed from the 1960s, a new story, a new script, and re-imagined in an entirely new era of thoughts about children and fantasy and music and artistic expression, Mary Poppins Returns is, essentially, Mary Poppins with less catchy music. That’s quite a feat.
I’m currently thinking how funny it would be if Mary Poppins were a cat burglar. “Well, you see, officers, our children were being unruly, so Mary Poppins showed up and we all went into the attic together which magically turned into a county fair with ribbons and rides and candy floss. When we returned two hours later, Mary Poppins was gone and so were my daughter’s laptop and my wife’s diamond earrings.”
It’s been a healthy 54 years since Mary Poppins (Emily Blunt) first taught children “snitches get stitches,” so it was high time she Returned for another lesson. The Banks family is onto another generation, and gosh you won’t even recognize young Michael (Ben Wishaw) and Jane (Emily Mortimer). They still live in the same regal London townhouse, but perhaps not for long as money issues have crept up. Michael’s three children seem pretty darn self-sufficient (aside from the fact that child labor is no longer encouraged), so with a family in financial crisis, this clearly calls for another visit from Mary Poppins, CPA.
Mary is a little vainer and curt-er than I remember (yeah, “Blunt” is a right good description, when an adventure is over, it’s OVER), but as she floats down from the heavens via kite, umbrella, or plastic trash bag and immediately assumes the post of live-in family social worker, the Poppins mystique is unmistakable. The first order of business is giving the children a bath, which transforms immediately into a musical adventure in need of the Coast Guard. Uh oh, did this just become another lost-at-sea film? So many of those lately. Oh, never mind, pull the plug in the tub and they’re back, and the children have learned a valuable lesson: Always take a bath? Don’t ignore bath toys? Old fashioned swimsuits are making a comeback? OK, I don’t know what lesson was being taught, but I’m sure it was valuable and the children needed it dearly.
One thing I truly quibble with is the soundtrack. Disney is nothing if not an historic pioneer in earworm technology. The score of Mary Poppins Returns is amiable fluff, nothing terrible, mind you, but decidedly bland. I didn’t expect to be Supercalifragilized or anything, but I expected I’d remember at least one song after the fact. The tragedy is doubly embarrassing when noting a second billing of Lin-Manuel Miranda effectively taking over the Dick Van Dyke role. The original presented Mary’s blue collar booty call as a chimney sweep; Mary Poppins Returns changed this occupation into a public leary [read: lamplighter]. Yeah, that’s way different. The important part to note is that Miranda is composer of arguably the greatest score in the 21st century; you called upon him for his acting talents? Did you ever consider asking him to write the score? I know Marc Shaiman put a lot of work into this, and he’s a well-respected artist in his own right, but this score is flat, and being flat when you are composing for arguably the most lively composer of our age seems stupid beyond measure; it’s like the 3rd base coach pinch-hitting for Ted Williams.
Mary Poppins Returns will hit the notes it needs to hit to win the day, after all, it is almost a facsimile of the original. I’m trying not to argue with horribly out-of-place optimism contrasting with the film’s reality: i.e. “Yay. Our mom is dead. Yay. We’re losing our house. Yay.” That’s not the point of a Mary Poppins film. You can’t delve head-first into the drawing on the side of a bowl, meet up with the cartoonery as if they’re old friends, and expect real-life to follow. So, I’ll forgive the film’s desire to ignore the children’s need for extended therapy sessions, but parents ought to know that this breezy saccharine treatise is a tough watch if looked at from a certain perspective.
♪Same samemovie
Same samemovie
Same same movie
We’ve swapped Dick for “Hamilton” as you can see
Same samemovie
Same samemovie
Same same script, twos
Don’t know why you bothered to change Miss Andrews
Now as the reel of life has been thread
You might regard two “distinct” Poppins with dread
But I’m here to tell you there’s diff’rence in word
These films are the same as all songs by Mumford♫
Rated PG, 130 Minutes
Director: Rob Marshall
Writer: David Magee
Genre: Rewriting a classic
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The same people who loved it the first time
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Child psychologists
♪ Parody Inspired by “Chim Chim Cher-ee”
