Want to know the quickest way to end a film relationship? Share your cell phones. You can end a marriage is less than one act; if you’re lucky, you can tear apart and entire group friendship in under 90 minutes. Such is the premise of Perfectos desconocidos, a film in which seven long-time friends mutually agree over dinner to share every single post, email, or text with the entire group, thus guaranteeing universal misery by dessert.
This seems like such a good idea, I’m going to share with you all every time my phone makes noise at me while I write this review. Oh here’s one now.
8:48 PM: 10% coupon from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Oh yeah. It looks like that loofa I bought five years ago is paying spam dividends long past its life cycle.
We know it is a bad idea to share everything that comes into your phone. But not necessarily bad for the implied reason that everyone has something to hide. It’s bad because there exists a multitude of idiocy that enters our phones, and we choose not to share just like we don’t share every thought that enters our heads. We filter for damn good reason. Or at least some of us do.
9:12 PM: Uh oh, this text says the IRS is onto my tax evasions! I have to respond immediately! Wait a sec. Why would the IRS be calling from a local number? And when did I avoid paying taxes?
Eva (Cecilia Suárez) and Alonso (Bruno Bichir) are the hosts of the ill-fated dinner party. At the start of the evening, Eva’s only concern is finding condoms in her 17-year-old daughter’s purse. She’s not ready for the conversation, let alone the thought, of her daughter being sexual. Oh, if that were the only controversy of the evening. When Pepe (Franky Martín) finally arrives, dateless, the gang collectively decides on the foolish and myopic idea to place all their phones upside on the dinner table and collectively share every interruption to a public audience.
9:34 PM: Phone call. Wrong number. At least I think it’s a wrong number; I don’t speak Mandarin.
Of course, the first two checks are cheap teases. The first is a prank made remotely by one of the group. The second is an ex-lover insisting upon indulging his carnal desire in text form: “I want your body” to a married member of the group … oooh, lurid, right? This is what we came for. Turns out it’s a plea to a therapist to help our potential sexter curb his urges. Good gravy, that’s cheap. Boo. It would serve you right if I walked out of this film here and now.
9:45 PM: My alarm goes off. It’s time to take my melatonin.
True controversy arrives in the form of Ernesto insisting that he and Pepe “switch” phones. How would your wife not notice your phone doesn’t rooster cackle when you get a message or the facts that Pepe’s does? Never mind. Ernesto’s side dish puts on a one-pic exhibition every evening at 10. That’s not a good look for a married man. What Ernesto doesn’t know is Pepe is seeing someone … a male someone … a male someone who doesn’t like to be ignored. And what follows demeans Pepe, Ernesto, and all of LGBTQ. The film’s argument for the resulting homophobia is that “progressives” freak out upon discovery of gay in their own backyard. That’s ridiculous. True modern progressives on the topic of homosexuality fall into one of three categories: 1) they know someone in their circle is homosexual 2) they suspect someone they know is a closeted member of LGBTQ and are laying inclusive groundwork 3) they are empathetic to the struggle LGBTQ members go through on a daily basis. Folks described as such do not “freak out” upon learning one among their group is gay. Man, for such a modern plot, your politics are at least a decade behind.
10:02 PM: Tweet notification. Somebody named Lisa lets me know I am eligible for new rates on my credit card account. Thanks, Lisa.
There was a ton of confusion in just getting to this review. The film I watched is a 2018 movie of Mexican origin, but I think it used the exact same script as its Spanish predecessor from 2017 … which, in turn, was a remake of the Italian film Perfetti sconosciuti from 2016. Did all these films have a homosexual freak out? Overall, I think this is kind of a fun idea for all folks who have a pressing need to add unwelcome controversy to their lives. But be warned – it’s not gonna be about infidelity so much as discovering your best friend is a MAGAphile … which in my book is worse.
10:19 PM: My shame arrives in the form of my twice-daily email solicitation from Victoria’s Secret. Now the world will know Frogtoria’s Secret … or it would if they ever had anything in my size, darn it.
Social rebels do love to be dared
Exposing damage for those unprepared
Be careful at that
With Wonka and LOLcat
Some memes were not meant to be shared
Rated R, 97 Minutes
Director: Manolo Caro
Writer: Filippo Bologna? Paolo Costella?
Genre: Sharing is daring
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who think it’s hilarious when a straight man has to pretend he is fighting his homosexual urges
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Privacy hounds
