You might ask, “How do I know I’m a troll?” These are not things people generally tell you. Now we’re talking actual trolls here, not the metaphorical ones who use the internet to ruin any measure of human kindness, civility, or achievement. The movie Border has a lot to say about trolls. So let me ask some key questions here just in case:
- Do dogs fear you?
- Can you smell emotion?
- Are you more comfortable toting a club or mace instead of a cell phone?
- Have you evolved beyond grooming?
- Is standard sex in your world considered fetish?
- Do you give live birth to an unfertilized fetus?
I’m not quite sure where to go next; there’s a lot to unpack from the above. So let’s go straight to plot:
Tina (Eva Melander; you would not believe the makeup job here, folks) works for, wiki sez, the Swedish Border agency. This is much like the airport TSA. Except instead of a wand or metal detector, Tina just sniffs out guilt. When it comes to identifying who’s dirty, Tina is better than Popeye Doyle in The French Connection. Tina will weird you out long before the sniff test, however, as her crude features and blocky stature more closely resemble my idea of a Neanderthal. I’m going to call Tina a female because she favors the look of a human female more than she doesn’t, but troll labels are an easy way to get confused.
At home, Tina lives a celibate life with slacker Roland (Jörgen Thorsson). It’s hard to see why Tina favors their setup; she doesn’t seem to like Roland. She hates his collection of fierce guard dogs. She is almost certainly an introvert and she repels Roland’s attempts at sex like MAGA repels diversity. What gives, little sorta-lady? Ohhhhhh, I get it. Tina doesn’t realize she’s not human. Yeah, there’s a “how could you not?” but nobody who grows up human assumes they aren’t, right? Tina has reason to believe that this is how humans live and she’s human (right?), so she lives like this, too.
And then Vore shows up. Vore is a troll and, for lack of a better word, is a “male” version of the species. Tina’s expression immediately changes from determined blankness to quixotic blankness. Anyone with an advance degree in zoology can tell she’s in love. And who can blame her? Who wouldn’t be drawn instantly to this shrewish, malodorous, bog denizen? Vore is the stuff of dreams … really weird dreams involving anxiety, frustration, and paintings by Edvard Munch. Some might even call these dreams “nightmares.”
Border wants us to know who trolls are, what they do, and where to find them, but there’s more to the tale than ugly people making bizarre love. Seriously, you have to go b
ack to The Crying Game for a sex scene you’re more likely to discuss among very, very, very close friends.
This isn’t the weirdest film I’ve ever seen. Not by a long shot. But it wasn’t for lack of trying. Border kept my attention throughout and made me care about its “heroine,” if nobody else. You can’t really ask more that that of a movie, so as dark, confusing, and just plain bizarre as this film is, I’ll give Border a thumbs up – but only for folks who can stand the weird. There’s an inverse relationship between how much a person appreciates Disney and how much enjoyment they’ll get out of this film.
♪She’s got a bray about her
I don’t why she does
But I know her call will bring a suitor
She’s got a way of sniffin’
I don’t know how it is
But she sensed my game when I was griftin’
Anyhoo
She’s got a brow that daunts me
I don’t her species
But I guarantee that it will haunt me
And she likes to go skinny dippin’
Not sure why she does
But when she does, there’s no unzippin’
Anytime♫
Rated R, 110 Minutes
Director: Ali Abbasi
Writer: Ali Abbasi & Isabella Eklöf & John Ajvide Lindqvist
Genre: Wha …? Why …?
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People with disturbingly open minds
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Mike Pence
♪ Parody Inspired by “She’s Got A Way”
