Nineteen years ago, Mel Gibson showed us the unfettered joy of sexual politics as a magically gifted mind-reader in What Women Want. A short time later, Mel himself discovered that most women don’t want to be called “Sugar Tits,” part of a series of moves that turned Mel from Hollywood darling to pariah. Should we expect a similar fate for Taraji P. Henson, star of the flip-the-script remake What Men Want? And should we be concerned that such films project a most myopic binary classification of sexual identity? Hold up, that thought is far too advanced for a film in which a used condom is used as an accessory for comic purposes.
BTW, what do you suppose the male equivalent of “Sugar Tits” is? Never mind.
Ali Davis (Henson) is a sports agent. That’s definitely a “roll with the men” profession, huh? Despite her success and her personal manservant (Josh Brener), she is passed up on the partnership promotion. The scene isn’t tough to imagine, boss Brian Bosworth gathers all the talent to the big table and tosses a football in the direction of the person who made partner. Ali intercepts the pass, which, given my understanding of football, should entitle her to the partnership anyway, no? No, apparently not. For all Ali’s agency bullying, she hasn’t landed the big fish and it costs her big time.
The screenplay tells us that Ali is “no good with men” which seems rather impossible for the profession of sports agent, but no matter. And, psst, don’t kid yourself; it’s not like she handles women all that well, either. To make the big play, Ali vows to self and company alike that she will land the catch o’ the day – future #1 NBA draft pick, Jamal Barry (Shane Paul McGhie, who is the least convincing #1 draft pick since the clown from Trouble with the Curve). How will Ali appease Jamal’s father (Tracy Morgan) and land the client? And how long will it take for the film to realize that agents within the same company works together to land a client, not at odds with one another?
In a way, this film is much more a half-assed female take on Jerry Maguire than a half-assed female take on What Women Want; the important part here is during an all-girl get together, Ali bumps her head and when she wakes up, she can hear the thoughts of any man around her. I’m overly surprised 1) she wants to –I know what men think; trust me, you don’t want 99% of those thoughts to air for any reason 2) she can’t use this to better effect. If I could truly read people’s minds, I guarantee I’d wear a smile every day of my life.
My favorite scene in the film, and my favorite performance in the film for that matter, involves the overacting of mystic Sister (Erykah Badu): one moment calls for Sister to give Ali a tarot reading in which each overturned card produces an alarming reaction … including the “Skip” card from an Uno deck. Yes, this film did make me laugh aloud more than once. Not often, but more than once. More often than not, however, I kept asking myself, “Shouldn’t this be funnier?” I mean she can read all men’s minds – that should have been hilarious, right? Imagine her walking down the street as random men approach and hearing “Sex” “Sex” “Sex” “Sex” “Sex” “Sex” “Cat, whoops, no. Sex”
Alternatively, I wish What Men What had taken another approach in which we see Ali wield one of the greatest gifts ever given and realize it is all for naught because it’s still a man’s world. Now, THAT would have made a freaking statement, huh? Imagine having the gift of knowing exactly what any man thinks as he thinks it, and still running into a glass ceiling. Yeah, reading Shaq’s mind while he’s playing cards is one level of humor, but there are several others and deeper statement to make. In this one, Ali was her own worst enemy. The film in which she never had a chance is the film I want to see.
♪I am he-man, hear my bore
Got my glock and two-by-four
And I don’t how to fake it and pretend
There’s that gal who knows what-for
Knows my inner thoughts galore
Forget it; I’ll just hook up with her friend♫
Rated R, 117 Minutes
Director: Adam Shankman
Writer: Tina Gordon and Peter Huyck & Alex Gregory
Genre: How can you literally read minds and still end up with a shitty life?
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Those willing to accept this as a film about sexual politics
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who didn’t need Brian Bosworth to resurface … ever
♪ Parody Inspired by “I Am Woman”
