I’m kind of amazed the Scots lasted past the 14th century. It certainly wasn’t for lack of suicidal aggression. Wikipedia tells me that between 1296 and 1335, the Scots went at it with their big bully neighbors on thirty-two separate occasions. And when they weren’t battling the English, they battled one another. Is there somethin’ about being near a loch that just makes you want to run a guy through with a sword? Say it ain’t so, Nessie. Say it ain’t so.
The rise of Robert the Bruce (Chris Pine) coincided exactly with the exile of William Wallace. Hence you can imagine Outlaw King taking place beginning during the last 15 minutes of Braveheart. Of course, if you go so far as to imagine that film, the question quickly becomes, “Why don’t you just watch Braveheart, a superior film in every.single.way a film can be superior?” Perhaps I should stop talking about Braveheart.
Outlaw King begins in a tent. King Edward (Stephane Dillane) is making all the rebellious Scottish lords pledge fealty so they’ll never attack English soldiers again. HAHAHAHA. Yeah, good plan. You sure got the Scots number. It takes five minutes for Don Jr. (Billy Howle) to pick a fight with “old schoolmate” Bobby Bruce. Oh, I see, Prince Edward is going to be the villain here, is he? Man, you know what is truly villainous? The bowl used to cut Eddie’s hair. Sometimes we say “bowl cut” and we mean a Jimmy Connors thing; Prince Edward was literally given a haircut in which a bowl was placed on his head and all the hair emerging from the rim was eradicated. Even in the 14th C, this couldn’t have made the ladies go “rowr.”
Now I’m sure Robert had good reason to rebuke his pledged fealty –sources say taxes and random English aggression- but the truth is that during this particular era the Scots didn’t exactly require much incentive to decide the English were a bunch o’ punks. However, the film decided at some point that wall-to-wall warring didn’t make for a pic your wife would want to watch, so they introduced Robert’s main squeeze, Elizabeth (Florence Pugh), and gave her a perspective, too (how nice), as if the film had something to say other than “Scots and Brits don’t get along.” Geez, man, I’ve already seen four seasons of “Outlander“; tell me something I don’t know.
It’s only a matter of time before the fighting starts again, and such is propelled by Robert acing out his political rival for the Scottish crown, then getting the thumbs up from the Church of Scotland to become the Scottish King. For some reason, royal Eddie don’t play that and declares Robert the Bruce an Outlaw, and hey, there’s our title. The rest of the film is war, war, and more war. Where the Hell do the Scots get more and more men to fight the English? Who knows.
One thing that really bugged me about this screenplay was the interplay between Bobby Bruce and Aymer de Valence, an Earl who acts as the English field general during much of the film. Before the first key battle, he and Bruce square off in promised hand-to-hand combat. I cannot tell you how disappointed I am by everything in this conflict. Look, fellas, you cannot promise a battle and then never deliver. It’s like two heavyweights jawing at each other for the weigh-in and then fighting other opponents. You choose to put things in screenplays. If you choose to raise Valence as an enemy, then you have to show the direct conflict. Otherwise, you have to rewrite the script.
My conclusion here is simple: If you’re inclined to watch this film, go see Braveheart (again). Thank me later.
Another tale of English over-haughty
Their foes find those Brits just darn snotty
For the Star Trek enthused
This casting confused
Check it out, the Cap’n has become Scotty
Rated R, 121 Minutes
Director: David Mackenzie
Writer: Bathsheba Doran & David Mackenzie & James MacInnes
Genre: The neverending world of English-Scottish aggression
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Bruces
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: English
