Becoming a Guide Dog for the Blind is an absolute bear. Training starts at four months old. School lasts for two years. Then, of course, these millennial dogs are in student loan debt for another ten years, which is like seventy in dog years … at that rate, they may as well just stay in school and get their masters in Gluteus Olfactory Recognition Science or whatever.
Speaking of masters, I know some dogs who can’t wait to get one. Among the most adorable films of 2018 is the documentary Pick of the Litter which goes through the process of getting a newborn pup through to full Guide Dog status. Why do only Labradors get to be guide dogs? Aren’t there a handful of other highly intelligent dog breeds? I remember it used to be that German Shepherds were preferred for guide dog tasks. Now, those guys suck; beat it, ya mutts. Anyway, the film doesn’t say why labs only have the correct balance of intelligence and temperament for the job, but it does say that even at that, only three in eight labs will make it to The Show.
This documentary follows the raising of five lab pups, all of whom have names beginning with “P.” I forget their real names, so I’m going to name them now: Pedantic, Pejorative, Pequod, Penultimate, Pusillanimous. And this endeavor has Navy Seal level exclusivity; the Guide Dog institute is looking to be extremely selective for good reason – a Guide Dog has to act as the blind person’s eyes. The dogs not only have to know how to avoid danger; they have to know when their master is giving them a command that must be disobeyed. That’s a huge responsibility, and one no member of Trump’s cabinet has yet learned. No matter what the master demands, a true Guide Dog won’t lead master to peril, be it heavy traffic, an open elevator shaft, or another screening of Twilight. A good dog knows the difference between Call of the Wild and that Team Jacob crap.
Uh oh, looks like Pequod is a spazz. One down. Fittingly, Pedantic follows orders to the letter. That might not be a good thing in the long run. Pusillanimous has “hackling” issues – i.e. a physical reaction to other dogs encountered. Yes, “hackling” is a word. Really. Dogs that fail the program are given the euphemistic “career change,” which essentially means they now have the freedom to be dogs, which is a fairly awesome failure consequence, no? Their temporary owners feel terrible. This is a weird part – I would have guessed that Guide Dogs all had standard training, but it’s not the case. The dogs have to learn how to deal with individual people, so every one of them is first sent to a dog-challenged family, one that fully understands the dog’s time with them is limited. This is the most emotional part of the documentary and the film knows it; losing a family pet is a big moment in someone’s life, even if they signed on for it.
Another question I never got answered is “what happens if not enough dogs graduate the program?” Pick of the Litter follows the lives of two blind people presuming that at least two of the five dogs do not get “career changed.” But what if that’s not the case? “Sorry, your dog sucks; we can’t give them to you. Good luck with that whole ‘blind thing’ until we get a replacement.”
It is fairly easy to get invested in Pick of the Litter. The dogs are the stars and you start to recognize their personalities as the movie progresses. I still think the special moments in the film involve tearing a dog away from a temporary home, but I was invested in the individual canines right through graduation. I downgrade this film because the conclusion amounts to cheap reality TV stuff – this may as well be an episode of “Survivor” or “The Bachelor.” OMG! Which dog will get the rose? Additionally, while the process is fascinating, I wanted to know more about the science involved, and do dogs ever have sour feelings themselves about getting booted from the program? I suppose they wouldn’t. A dog is a dog. Good boy.
The occupation of Guide Dog rocks!
Those other mutts? All bullocks.
Society in a bind
Need help for the blind
Coulda used some of these guys for Bird Box
Not Rated, 81 Minutes
Director: Don Hardy Jr., Dana Nachman
Writer: Dana Nachman
Genre: A (specific breed of) Dog’s Life
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Dog Lovers, Blind People
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Promoters of the rare Guide Cats for the Blind program
