Ah, yes, the long-awaited sequel to Big Top Pee-Wee is finally here. And it’s everything you want in a Tim Burton film, in that -for family entertainment- it’s kinda long, a little dark, and not-especially rewarding. Disney has three live-action remakes planned this year: Dumbo, Aladdin, and The Lion King, and here’s hoping that the other two are better films; I don’t remember the original Dumbo well, and I’m guessing part of the reason is that it’s not a great film. Disney was wise to hide this and Pinocchio from later generations.
Now, for those of you great grandparents out there confused about entertainment from the 1940s, Dumbo was the flying elephant, D. Trumbo was the blacklisted writer. Just to be very clear: Dumbo was indeed a Communist sympathizer and attended several “Pachyderms for Peace” pro-Soviet rallies, but escaped suspicion when a Sumatran rhinoceros wouldn’t give him up even under torture.
I kid. I kid. Of course Dumbo was blacklisted just like everybody else.
It is 1919 and American children are suspicious and scared of veterans returning from WWI. Good call, kids. One such soldier, Holt Farrier (Colin Farrierell), stands on a train platform while his newly reunited children (Nico Parker and Finley Hobbins) stare at the poor guy like he lost an ugly fight to Quasimodo while in France. A once-champion horse master, Holt lost his arm, his job, and his kids to the war. He has now returned to claim at least two of these things. Oh, it’s a Disney movie, so mom died already, of course.
Just when you’re ready to feel sorry for Holt, you realize he’s a really shitty father: Discipline for the sake of discipline and won’t even listen to his kids. Won’t even listen. It’s one thing if you listen and disbelieve or have a different take. Holt won’t even listen, like when the time Milly and Joe try to tell him that the new baby elephant can fly.
Dumbo is, of course, that new baby elephant. Actually born “Jumbo,” but clever plot-pointing changed the “J” to a “D.” I’m getting ahead of myself. There are a whole lot of bad plot points before we get to a good one. Max Medici (Danny DeVito) runs the fourth-rate Medici Bros. circus. I cannot tell whether this was clever or stupid, but seeing “Bros.” illustrated several times in the film immediately reminded me of “Warner Bros.,” which is a good way to slough off a picture you’re not proud of, Disney. Max has no brother; it’s just a name. And Max is the kind of showman that makes you long for Hugh Jackman a few circuses ago. For one thing, Max wants to promote his new prize of a baby elephant, but immediately rescinds the boast when he sees Dumbo’s enormous, flight-capable, ears.
Now I ask you, what circus owner in the history of circuses has ever said, “Get that thing away from me! It’s too weird?” Yeah, you might want to reconsider that POV, Disney Bros.
And just like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Popeye, and Peter Dinklage, Dumbo is ridiculed and shunned for his physical appearance exactly up to the moment when he proves useful, like being a circus elephant able to fly. I still think the mechanics are bad in Dumbo’s case – a baby elephant is still an elephant; that’s a lot of drag. But, hey, the Spruce Goose could fly; why not Dumbo?
I’ve fooled around long enough; let me tell you what I actually think of this film: I liked Dumbo. Dumbo the elephant that is. Period. That’s all. I liked the little guy. I wanted to see him fly; I cared about him getting back to mom. As Dumbo was perpetually a hesitant performer, I wondered if the circus people ever rehearsed Dumbo’s act. No matter. I didn’t like … just about everything else. I didn’t especially hate Holt or his children, but the movie took a significant step downwards when the story went from animal to human, and dove further still when the boorish circus patrons and gold-digging C. Montgomery Burnses showed up. If the story stuck with the elephants, then you gotta something.
Dumbo is a lousy remake in the PC era. Here you’ve got a baby elephant with ears the size of Hobbit doors, and we can’t have a laugh about this? Like, ever? Look, you know middle-aged Dumbo is strutting into elephant bars or on E-Date reminding the ladies how the size of an elephant’s ears relates to other body parts *wink wink*. If he can have a laugh about it, so can we.
♪Some fairs are just a tent a la carte
A cold MC and then some dreams that are coming apart
And they not have wanted to spend
All that excess dough it takes to attend
I’ve lived with enough pachyderms
To say in no superfluous mincing of terms
That enjoyment from dawn until dusk
Comes down to a matter of tusk♫
Rated PG, 112 Minutes
Director: Tim Burton
Writer: Ehren Kruger
Genre: The elephant in the room
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Suckers for all things Disney
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Coulrophobes
♪ Parody Inspired by “A Matter of Trust”
