I hear Annabelle and Chucky are an item. I think their couple name is “AnnaChuck” … or is that just what Apache Chief says? Yeah, here’s a celeb couple that’s gonna end badly, huh? Sure, Chucky kills time ‘n’ people waiting for Annabelle to return, and he’s never really satisfied cuz his boy don’t want him back. Meanwhile, Annabelle seems to have run into a glass soul-ing at the office. Frustrated by her limitations, Annabelle Comes Home and continually repeats, “Miss me? Miss me? Miss me?” It just screams of desperation. They’ll probably have a couple of l’il demons at home in a vain to save the marriage, but you know that’s no solution; it’s no wonder these guys are so angry.
I find it difficult to believe Annabelle already has three films (four if you include The Conjuring), especially for a doll that doesn’t move or change expression. Hey, if I want to see a stiff on screen, I’ll watch another Kristen Stewart film. Like it or not, the original insecure, note-passing, mean girl doll has returned to do exactly nothing for 90+ minutes once again. Damn, and I already made a Kristen Stewart joke.
In the Annabelle timeline, this film lies in the middle of what we know … I think. Paranormal liaisons Lorraine and Ed Warren (Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson) have collected the doll from the end of Annabelle: Creation and now Annabelle Comes Home. The doll has warranted special entry into the Warren warren, where evil things hang out for eternity. For those of us into established actors and established characters, you’re SOL ten minutes in when the Warrens take off for Bermuda or wherever. This movie is all about their daughter Judy (Mckenna Grace), her babysitter Mary (Madison Iseman), and Mary’s friend Daniela (Katie Sarife).
Daniela lost her father recently and is, hence, all hot and bothered to 
commune with the dead. With their specialized collection of otherworldly-connected knickknacks, the Warrens offer Daniela an ideal opportunity to do something incredibly stupid. Were the five locks on the door not enough? How about the sign with the big block letters reading, “DANGER. DO NOT OPEN.” Well, if people did smart things in horror films, there probably wouldn’t be horror films. Off camera, Annabelle manages to thump herself on her glass penitentiary, gaining Daniela’s attention. Soon Pandora’s Box is opened. Daniela, you moron.
One scene that played well, but wasn’t used to its greatest effect, involved Daniela and some sort of possessed TV screen which acted as a crystal ball. The TV proved to be about 5 to 10 seconds ahead of Daniela, so she could see her immediate future in a roomful of evil crap. Understandably, this freaked her out. This and a shadow filter where we could finally view the demon pulling Annabelle’s strings proved the best scares in the film. Other than that? This was a slumber party with weird toys and dead people. Not exactly the best horror has to offer, but not the worst, either.
Annabelle Comes Home really emphasizes the uselessness of the villain of this franchise. 80% of Annabelle’s malice comes from the doll showing up unexpectedly with a handwritten note. To adults, this is horror. To a little girl with a tea party, this makes for an ideal playmate. The doll continues to look hideous, so I expect more of these films to be made, but there’s neither call nor need of them.
Once a girl who watched her dad fall
Sought out a rare crystal ball
And now, to her dread
Lives hang by a thread
Cuz she discovered the world’s ugliest doll
Rated R, 106 Minutes
Director: Gary Dauberman
Writer: Gary Dauberman
Genre: Don’t open the box
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Curators of evil dolls
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Misunderstood evil dolls
