Here’s a movie so faddish it needs Haddish. Stuber lyft-ed onto screens a week ago and reminded us exactly of where we are in time right now: Dave Bautista, Kumail Nanjiani , Iko Uwais, outpatient laser eye surgery, designer drugs, Uber, and HEY! WTF is Mira Sorvino doing in this film? Get your ass back to 1997 where you belong. Don’t make me send Josh Hartnett after you.
Fresh off their respective victories of name recognition, Kumail Nanjiani and Dave Bautista do most of the heavy lyfting here. The muscle-bound, non-blue Bautista plays Vic, a cop invested in a series of clichés as is he’s trying to collect the whole set – lessee here: slain partner, “the one that got away,” conflict with the lieutenant, divorcee, estranged child, bully complex, anger issues, are you sure you’re not “one day from retirement,” Vic? That one is as common as head lice in second graders. One very unique characteristic is the laser eye surgery. Vic’s aim at the firing range is left justified to say the least (I think a bigger joke could have been made here, but, meh) and he decides “it’s time.”
And, of course, on the exact day that Vic voluntarily impairs his vision is the day that his old nemesis Oka Tedjo (Uwais) is part of a “deal” that is “going down.” So, you’re a blind cop with a twelve hour window on the bust that will make both your life and humanity itself better for all time, whaddaya do? Uber! Enter Stu (Nanjiani), a part time employee at a sporting goods store who rating-grubs for Uber to supplement his crappy income. Stu + Uber = “Stuber,” which his also his last name, coincidentally. The Portmanteau Council of America gives this bit of writing its coveted “mostars” award.
The running gag is that Stu is a dweeb, bullied by his anxieties, his douchebag boss, the girl- -friend he will never turn into a girlfriend, and those pesky rules of the road. Meanwhile, Vic represents the law enforcement crowd – all bite, no purr. He doesn’t understand Uber (accidentally opting for the “Uber pool” option, which will slow most of your high speed chases), he has little tolerance for touchy-feel-y behavior, but understands real well that a bad guy will get away if he doesn’t act now! And in time-honored unrealistic Hollywood fashion, they’re detectives.
Hence, Stuber becomes a buffet table of entertainment – here’s a little Nanjiani comedy … and a little Bautista obtusery … and a little Uwais kickassery – you’ve enjoyed all these things before, why wouldn’t you enjoy them again? And the film does indeed have its moments, like when the gargantuan Vic first commandeers the Uber and Nanjiani guesses that Vic wants to take him to “all the Sarah Connors” in town. There’s also a very funny scene in which Stu discusses modern workplace and social mores with a male stripper in his backstage dressing room. Were there more of that and –perhaps- less complaining out of the leads, I think I might have truly enjoyed this film.
There’s little reason to believe that Stuber will go down as anybody’s best or worst of the year. It is little more than a cash-in on people who are currently hot and may have very brief careers. You get what you get when you ride a trend. But I didn’t take the experience completely without affection. My personal guess is that Stuber is just unique enough to find a niche – like if you have one of those families in which grandpa thinks The Great Outdoors was the funniest film ever made, Stuber might find a home there or somewhere similar. And years from now, grandchildren will be wondering “Why did grandpa own this film?” and “Who the Hell is Dave Bautista?” When this happens, answer nothing and quietly dispose of the DVD.
A serviceable comedrama flick
Get those guys on the screen, quick!
We’re just moments, I fear-y
From “What happened to,” query
“That guy who was in The Big Sick?”
Rated R, 93 Minutes
Director: Michael Dowse
Writer: Tipper Clancy
Genre: Guess the shelf-life
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who don’t have memories beyond 2017
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People stretched to accept “Ubercop”
