Fear is a terrible thing. It is a gateway for the worst humankind has to offer. Left unchecked, fear can lead to violence, depression, and voting Republican. You really have to watch for the latter as the two have quite a symbiotic relationship. Today’s film is about fear and the choices we make to live without it. Fear can indeed lead to some very bad choices, although every American should be well aware of that lesson by now.
As far as I can tell, Jesse Eisenberg comes in two flavors: robotically aloof and painfully meek. The latter is on display in The Art of Self-Defense, which makes sense – ask me to name an actor who could suffer a life-altering pantsing and Jesse tops the list, slightly ahead of Woody Allen, Joe Lo Truglio, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Casey (Eisenberg) is not actually pantsed here so much as beaten to a bloody pulp. One night, he goes out for some dachshund chow and never returns. A biker gang selects, isolates, and attacks; where’s 1970s Clint Eastwood when you need him?
Casey was already a bully-magnet. He lives alone; he has no friends. His co-workers treat him like the 8×11 copy that comes out landscape instead of portrait. He even gets dissed by tourists. How much of a zero do you have to be so that a backpack-toting French couple scores points off your meek? After Casey’s hospitalization, I thought we were going to get a bit of an Office Space revisit. Casey flat-out refuses to leave the house and we wonder when and how he’ll snap. Eventually, his social salvation becomes the local dojo. In a rare defiance of his newfound love, agoraphobia, Casey decides it’s time to become a man – however manliness is defined by the testosterone mag he nicks at work.
Hoping for Mr. Miyagi? Not so much. Have, instead, the kind of guy Mr. Miyagi would humiliate through decency. Sensei (Alessandro Nivola) believes in rank and displays of strength. It’s hard to know why he accepts Casey as a student; perhaps Sensei sees the beast within as we sure don’t. I’m not a big fan of firearms, but Casey isn’t gonna win any battles with his fists or his mouth. He’s an Omega Male with a capital “Ω.” Can Sensei punch some manliness into Casey?
The Art of Self-Defense is best viewed as a dark comedy. Except, of course, that as the film progresses, the ratio of dark to comic turns from 2:1 to 10:1. When Casey makes custom everyday street-clothes wearin’ belts for he and his classmates to enjoy outside of the dojo (cuz why not tell the world you’re a yellow belt?) that’s great snicker material. When, however, there is lethal punching involving innocents, it’s harder to find the funny, y’know? If Jesse Eisenberg fans exist, this is one they’ll point to as a hidden gem; for the rest of us, it’s harder to find the rainbow despite the propensity of belt colors.
♪Jesse E was kung fu fighting
His life was awfully frightening
In fact, he wanted to attack the slighting
With a mind made for check kiting
He would get his ass kicked here
And get his ass kicked there
Dude, you’re taking more abuse
Than a minstrel at a fair♫
Rated R, 104 Minutes
Director: Riley Stearns
Writer: Riley Stearns
Genre: Bully lessons
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Not sure; for being a film about bullies and targets, it doesn’t really stand with either
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who find victimhood disgusting
♪ Parody Inspired by “Kung Fu Fighting”
