Ah, the things “tweens” don’t know. Let’s revel in them, shall we? Apparently, they all have to do with sex – like the difference between a tampon and an I.U.D. and the difference between a sex doll and a CPR doll and the difference between, say, kissing and a rim job. I beg of you, please, for the love of Dr. Ruth, if you do not know what the term “rim job” means, please, please, please do not look it up; revel in your innocence while you still have it. Good Boys explores all of these and more. Most of the plot revolves around the capturing and bartering “Molly” (aka MDMA aka “Ecstasy”) which is not a sex thing, but another way in which our heroes are thankfully ignorant for at least five to ten more minutes.
It could be said that all the “Bean Bag Boys” are really guilty of is curiosity … and truancy, invasion of privacy, theft, vandalism, trespassing, criminal mischief, criminal negligence, assault, drug dealing, and attempted kidnap an officer of the law with the help of a double-pronged dildo. Did I miss anything? Probably. Oh, yes, if you haven’t gotten the idea by now, while this film stars children (“TWEENS!”) it is not intended for children. And while I cannot remember any explicit sex or graphic violence in the actual shots, that probably will not matter to the horrified parent watching a trio of boys haggle over the selling price of a sex doll.
Twelve-year-old Max (Jacob Tremblay) is in love with Brixlee (Millie Davis) — hold up, wasn’t “Jacob Tremblay courts Millie Davis” a subplot of Wonder? Max’s infatuation is introduced to us at about the same time we see him jerry-rigging his door for privacy; there’s a busty female troll icon in his video game that needs his *ahem* attention. At school, Max pals around with the class songster, Thor (Brady Noon), and the class nice guy/mom Lucas (Keith L. Williams). All three of these boys have hang-ups – Max is too far ahead of the curve curiosity-wise, Thor is a tool, and Lucas’ parents are getting a divorce. Playing it “just cool enough,” Max manages not to blow an invite to the popular kids’ party … where there will be kissing(!) and, just maybe, someone will break the current class record of three sips of beer. I find it impossible not to smile at this stuff; we’re constantly told modern kids are far more savvy, cynical, and experienced than my generation, but here’s a film that claims “not so fast.”
The problem, as the Bean Bag Boys see it, is that when you go to a kissing party it is assumed that you will know how to kiss. “Spin the Bottle” sure can separate the corn syrup from the natural sweetener, I can tells ya.
Actually, I’ve never played “Spin the Bottle,” “Seven Minutes in Heaven,” or “Truth or Dare.” I fear my window might be closing.
Perhaps the best part of these self-aware tweens is they can carefully examine the many sides of an issue and come to exactly the wrong conclusion. Finding the internet to be no help on kissing instructions (fellas, how hard did you look?), the three weigh their options -carefully taking into account the pros and cons of doing something they know to be very wrong v. showing up at a 6th grade kissing party as a rank amateur- and conclude that the best option is to steal dad’s camera drone and spy on the horny teens down the block. And this is where the trouble begins.
The boys aren’t bad boys. Heck, they’re Good Boys; it says it right there in the title. And yet, I would strongly recommend paying attention to the R-rating here. I’d happily expose my tween to genuine sex and violence before Good Boys and the reason is simple – I think most every decision and key object these Good Boys involve themselves in needs to be discussed in the presence of a responsible adult. Now, when in comes to discussion you and your child might have, most adults are going to be uncomfortable talking about, say, tampons, lube, and the gift of anal beads (again, if you don’t know what this is, don’t look it up) as a necklace to a 12-year-old girl. Hence, your best course of action, parents, is to make your tween believe this film does not exist. But hey, other than an endless series of adult toys and adult-themed choices, this is wholesome family fun. Enjoy!
♪Dildos and horseshoes and fur tallywackers
Butt plugs and nip clamps and G-spotting clackers
Vibrators buzzing and velvet cock rings
These are a few undiscussable things♫
Rated R, 89 Minutes
Director: Gene Stupnitsky
Writer: Lee Eisenberg, Gene Stupnitsky
Genre: Too modern coming of age story
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The entirety of a frat house, all watching at once
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Parents
♪ Parody Inspired by “My Favorite Things”
