Never attack the villagers. No matter how much they provoke you. Even Frankenstein’s monster knew that one. If they come for you bearing pitchforks and torches, don’t confront them. It’s a lose-lose. Just hide until you find a diplomatic resolution.
I’ve seen a fair amount of high-tech Chinese film in the past year and from The Wandering Earth to The Bravest to Ne Zha, the CGI is every bit as good as nine-figure Hollywood blockbusters. This should surprise no one. What is lacking, however, is the intense production consultation. Yes, Americans tend to overdo it and oft produce watered down, tamer films as a result … but if the result means you’ll avoid the scene in an animated family film where supertoddler maims an entire village, well, so be it.
So there’s this big-boned pig-riding monk who is charged with guarding the Chaos Pearl, a superhuman store of energy held in a Rubik’s cube. Being that this source of energy can change the balance of power in entire nations, the god dude gives it to pig-monk man, the one guy guaranteed to screw it up; and he does, for on the day in question pig dude drinks a gallon of something fermented and loses the Rubik’s Cube to his rival. Inside the Cube, the Chaos Pearl has split into good and bad elements. The bad guy takes the good ball to make a fantasy game hero and the bad ball finds its way to the local queen in labor so she can birth Chinese Damien, a resentful little shit called Ne Zha (voice of Yanting Lü). This is our hero.
Does nobody storyboard in China? Cuz it’s not like the kid is ugly, but, well, let’s just say the UglyDolls are more appealing on screen. This is what test marketing
is for, people. Ah, but don’t worry about his looks; he’s a jerk, too. You know the part in 48 Hrs. where Eddie Murphy says, “let’s see what we can f*** with next?” Imagine that phrase as a toddler with super powers and you’ll get an idea of who Ne Zha is. The whole point of the film, however, is noble: it wants Ne Zha to learn how not to be a jerk even though he’s literally a demon seed.
I never quite realized how universal the tale of Frankenstein’s monster really is. That’s essentially what Ne Zha is – an innocent with the power to destroy and the townsfolk reacting to such. Yeah, there are elements of rivals and magi, but that’s all just noise; the film is about figuring out how to get wild child on the right side of morality. That said – it’s time China really started examining the scripts for superhero films. Super films are fun cuz we all dream about having super powers or sticking out in a crowd. I imagine that in China, a country of 1.3 billion people where, like, only four dudes hold real power, it is even more so. China makes a lot of super films. Most are comic, which is a good take. The supers are “gods” not humans, but it amounts to the same thing. What these films are consistently lacking is decent character development. Take it from American film, boys, we want to know who Shazam! is before he becomes Shazam! Showing the resentful little brat who suddenly gets powers is really a much better story than showing a super resentful little brat. Do you get me?
The technology is there, China; I wish the scripts were, too. Cuz it would be really neat to see a “socialist” viewpoint on Iron Man, dig? Ne Zha was amiable and had a valuable lesson to share about destiny control, but I can’t recommend it knowing that you can get pretty much the same thing and more smiles from The Secret Life of Pets 2.
This toddler with the “I’m evil” blues
Has an unbearably diminutive fuse
When your child can bend girders
And contemplates murders
We’re well beyond “the terrible twos”
Not Rated, 110 Minutes
Director: Yu Yang
Writer: Yu Yang
Genre: Frankenstein’s Chinese dragon
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Patient parents
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Fans of Pixar animation
