I thaw’d we already “let it go.” No? I remember a Disney with integrity. A Disney that used to say, “We don’t make sequels.” Of course, that evolved into, “We don’t make sequels for theater audiences.” Now? “Hell yes, we make sequels! And live action remakes! And sing-along dubbed issues! And adults-only ‘Disney-after-dark’ versions!” I might be just making up the last … but I dunno what goes on Disney+ after midnight , do you?
The only ice queen we’ve ever rooted for is back with new adventures and a new score. And we couldn’t be more pleased, now could we? This time around, Elsa (voice of Idina Menzel) is hearing voices. In any other forum, we’d all encourage Elsa to seek out a medical professional, but this is Disney, where rodents rule and the Goofy is beloved. So naturally when Elsa hears the call of the wild, she’s drawn to some long forgotten primitive northern neighbors, The Croods.
Meanwhile, Anna (Kristen Bell) is having issues of her own. In between songs about rock formations, Urkel, or Malaysia, Anna is busy ignoring marriage proposals by Kristoff (Jonathan Groff). And she has to work really hard at it, too, cuz Kristoff is bound and determined to get rejected in this film and no other.
So the four: Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, and Elsa’s mentally-challenged abomination of nature, Olaf (Josh Gad) take off for the Forbidden Forest or Enchanted Forest –or, heck, is it the Forest of Endor? Doesn’t Disney own that, too, now? – to find the source of the mysterious voice that may or may not have something to do with the reason that Anna and Elsa were orphaned at such a young age.
Say, aren’t these things supposed to have kick-ass soundtracks? Shouldn’t I have some power ballad stuck in my head right now? Well, I don’t. Can’t say it was for lack of trying. Every 
three seconds of screen time, somebody pauses just long enough for the orchestra to crank it up to 11 and we can hear a mighty diddy about lichens or how awful it feels when you don’t get invited to a baby shower. The coup de grace of these sleeve-worn ballads is Kristoff’s “Lost in the Woods,” a song so silly that 1970s video direction was needed for the task; the highlight being a front-and-center staging of Kristoff against blacklight with a series of reindeer behind him not unlike the quintessential shot from Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” I’m glad people had fun making Frozen II … even if it, clearly, lacked the impact of the original.
While I acknowledge the music was weak and plot heavily contrived, I enjoyed Frozen II for the most part. For one thing, there’s an entirely superfluous and unnecessary kick-ass scene with Elsa taming a seahorse. And Olaf the undead snowman makes me laugh pretty much every time they speak, which is good cuz none of the other characters do. The conclusion is caught between a lovely take on tolerance/understanding and a disturbing re-visitation of white savior-ism/cultural appropriation. I would hope Disney would be beyond the latter by now, but that hope would be sadly misplaced. As for Frozen II, your children will enjoy it. Their parents will also probably enjoy it and the songs don’t stick, so hey, cultural appropriation? Contrivance? Pfft. Best.Disney.Ever.
♪Do you wanna make a sequel?
C’mon, I’ve got miles of tape
I’ve written half a score
Do I need more?
Check it, what a fun escape!
I know not any reason
There would be plot
And still I am gonna try
Do you wanna make a sequel?
A real money-making sequel
Sure. Wait. Why? ♫
Rated PG, 103 Minutes
Director: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Writer: Jennifer Lee
Genre: Cashing in
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Any child who already owns an Anna/Elsa Halloween costume
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The contrivance police
♪ Parody Inspired by “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?”
