You can devote all eighty-three minutes to foundation, but there’s still not enough make-up in the world to cover up this blemish of a film. Acting on the premise that simply putting Tiffany “5.1” Haddish in a movie will mean laughs come out of it, producers greenlit Like a Boss, a film about the comedy within the cut-throat make-up industry. From Rose Byrne’s hideous roots to Salma Hayek’s visual impression of Carrot Top, almost nothing in this film makes sense … but don’t you worry; it isn’t funny, either.
Mia & Mel (Haddish and Byrne) are besties from waaaaay back. So fond of one-another are these two that they both live together and work together, something I wouldn’t recommend even among the happiest of happily married couples. Foregoing both spouses and children, these women have developed a symbiotic, nurturing relationship. The dynamic here is probably the best thing in the film. Years ago, they went into the make-up business themselves, opening a lovely little shop and employing Billy Porter and Jennifer Coolidge so that a few more diversity boxes could be checked. Although their store and products seem lovely, the Mia & Mel company is half-a-million dollars in debt.
Cue an torrential abomination of style, Claire Luna (Hayek). The ruthless Ms. Luna owns Oviedo, the biggest player in the make-up world, and an office building that looks like an airport Hyatt Regency. If I might digress for a moment – for a film about appearance, I’m baffled by what Like a Boss chose to show us. Rose Byrne’s hair looks like her dye job is two months old; for “talented” make-up artists, Mia & Mel get humiliated in a head-to-head competition, and Salma Hayek is an orange nightmare. She looks like a hot Oompa Loompa. Back to Claire – she buys Mia & Mel’s debt and adds a bonus for 49% ownership in their company … oh, but there’s fine print, ladies, if Mia & Mel split, Claire owns *gasp* 51% (or controlling ownership). Hence, the film is essentially about Salma Hayek trying to break up the friendship between Tiffany Haddish and Rose Byrne.
Geez, where to begin? This isn’t how contracts work. And if it were, you two are morons. It’s bad enough there aren’t any lawyers in the film, but why would you pen such a silly and unnecessarily complicated clause to a pair that clearly never reads the fine print? After the signing follows a series of -I’m guessing- contractual obligations intended to accelerate the growing animosity between Mia & Mel. Hold up, Orange Frida, you bought the company, not employees … don’t you have your own staff to re-brand their products? And ladies, just what did you think you were getting for the $1 M investment? That you’d still own every portion of the business? That’s not how business works. And why isn’t this to your advantage? Just take the money and run.
I could just as easily write the script by which Mia & Mel completely burn Claire Luna with the exact same contractual terms the movie uses. Like a Boss simply frames everything with Hayek as a villain because that’s how movies like this work. Golly gee film, can’t you show us that friendship is more lucrative than good business?
Part of me genuinely envies Tiffany Haddish, for as much as her films all threaten an imdb threshold of 5.1 and I personally cannot imagine her ever winning an acting Oscar, she’s one of a handful of people lucky enough to get away with pretty much the same character in every film. I assume this means she’s playing herself, but it could mean that she’s found a can’t miss alter-ego that will keep her employed for hundreds of millions of dollars,
As a general rule, movies with titles that double as meme phrases suck. On at least one level, the film is always going to seem trite, and that level is the first one projected to an audience. Bottom line here is Like a Boss took its best asset, the friendship between Mia & Mel, and turned it into antipathy for half the film. That’s not fun; that’s terrible. Like a Boss features a number of gaffes a certain audience will find funny: a spit take with goat’s milk, downing a drone with a stapler, snapping a picture that looks like a baby smoking a joint, etc. If this is your level of humor, go for it. For the rest of us, Like a Boss is more Like a Cross to bear and incinerate.
Oh the Tiffany projects I have spurned
Where is that Girls Trip that I yearned?
From Night School to The Kitchen
Good things we’ve been itchin’
Too much Haddish and you know you’ll get Byrned
Rated R, 83 Minutes
Director: Miguel Arteta
Writer: Sam Pitman & Adam Cole-Kelly
Genre: Comedies that come out in January
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Tittering elderly aunts
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Boyfriends forced to see this when 1917 is sold out
