Actually, they’re not toddlers; they’re kindergarten students. So it’s slightly easier to picture them avoiding slow-moving zombies … although part of me really wants to see a scene in which a zombie is about to chow down on a baby, but passes after realizing the diaper is full. You never see that.
Dave (Alexander England) is a L-O-S-E-R. It would be hard to construct a bigger loser from scratch. This unemployed twentysomething just got tossed by his girlfriend and is doing everything possible so that his sister will regret taking him in. When he’s not cheeto-ing up the couch or playing public rock concerts to an audience of zero, his big ideas are all about winning his girlfriend back. The best one involves waking up his kindergarten-aged nephew, Felix (Diesel La Torraca), dressing him as Darth Vader and taking him to the apartment of his ex … all without mom’s knowledge(!) And how mini Darth is supposed to convince the GF to come back is beyond this mortal’s comprehension. Felix can’t fix that.
Given the task of picking Felix up from school, Dave turns fickle, immediately falling for Miss Caroline (Lupita Nyong’o), Felix’s fetching kindergarten teacher. Several embarrassing mistakes later, Dave gets himself invited to chaperone that same kindergarten class on a field trip to a farm/mini-golf/meet children’s TV celebrity Teddy McGiggle (Josh Gad). Nobody’s asking me, but that’s really three field trips … and it becomes a fourth when the army base next door starts leaking zombies.
Now I what you’re thinking, cuz I had the same thought, “they aren’t going to make any of the kids become zombies, are they?” No, they are not … but it takes a bit of work. The zombies of Little Monsters are extra-slow and extra-stupid. One wonders how adults were turned in the first place. You get the basic premise: a kindergarten teacher, a loser, and a children’s entertainer are forced to protect a dozen six-year-olds from the zombie apocalypse. As premises go, there are many worse.
Eventually, of course, Dave is supposed to redeem himself, so that he and Miss Caroline can emerge from the trauma as a couple, but man does it take a WHILE. Even when zombies arrive and all the characters acknowledge it’s time to step their respective game, Dave is still a preening, jealous waste. In fact, until Dave generously offers a helping hand to the spiteful, selfish Teddy McGiggles at the 50 minute mark, he had a perfect game going – every move Dave made somehow sucked, even those when he “helped” children. It was hard not to like Lupita Nyong’o in this role, nor the occasional stab at mirth, like when Miss Caroline discovers the effectiveness of beheading zombies. Now, if she’d only discovered the effectiveness of beheading Dave.
Little Monsters is a little cute, a little scary, a little funny, and a little enjoyable. So I’m giving this a little pass.
The undead are marching again
Claiming victims among women and men
I don’t want to scare ya
But this is Australia
As lethal goes, zombies don’t rank top ten
Rated R, 93 Minutes
Director: Abe Forsythe
Writer: Abe Forsythe
Genre: Easily bypassed zombies
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Kindergarten teachers with strong stomachs
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Zombies
