How do you deal with pigeons? Most people I know are urban and, thus, ignore pigeons on a regular basis. I know I don’t like them roosting anywhere near my house, but other than that, I have no opinion whatsoever. To me, a pigeon isn’t even a “winged rat.” It simply never enters my conscious thought by itself. So would a pigeon spy be effective? So long as you aren’t spying indoors, sure. Problem is I think most spying does take place indoors. Hmmm.
Lance Sterling (voice of Will Smith) is yet another in a long line of “best spy in the world” proclaimers. From James Bond to Ethan Hunt, we’ve seen this guy more than a few times. Given Lance’s ego problem, I’m sure the writers were invoking Sterling Archer with a nudge and a wink. While re-thieving a MacGuffin in Japan, Lance defies orders, goes it alone, defeats a series of bad guys and retrieves the MacGuffin, yet he’s pissed off that his spy-science-y “kill-everybody-but-me” device simply incapacitates rather than destroys. Doncha just hate it when you win by non-lethal means?
Turns out, however, that only the MacGuffin case was stolen and somebody using Lance’s face looks like the prevailing thief, forcing Lance on the lam from the agency. Lacking good, reasonable, or really any alternative, the screenplay puts Lance at the home of mad scientist Walter (Tom Holland), where Lance is changed into a pigeon. That is to say a pigeon with Lance’s brain, mind you.
Mad science used to be mad science. The Island of Dr. Moreau was a classic escape into the mad science realm. Dr. Moreau changed animals into humans; that’s mad science and we accepted it as such as late as 1996. Now? Change the mad scientist into a residential nerd, give him the voice of Tom Holland and suddenly it’s: “He turned a man into a pigeon? That’s a fantastic idea!”
Bottom line is pigeon and dweeby mad scientist now have the unpleasant task of retrieving the MacGuffin by themselves to clear their names and save the world. Oh, and the bad guy is voiced by Ben Mendelsohn. Well, of course it is. Show me a modern film with Ben Mendelsohn in it and I’ll show you the film’s villain.
Spies in Disguise is one of those films with two levels of humor: one in which there’s a pigeon poop joke for children and another in which a scientific pigeon poop exists for older children. Luckily, the film is a little more than just a discussion of the pigeon waste disposal system. Spies in Disguise has fun with the premise, often asking pigeon Lance to complete tasks only human Lance can do and teaming the avian spy with a small collection of fellow pigeons who have bonded with bird-Lance (including a cross-eyed pigeon that has a half-consumed cherry sucker permanently stuck to its head). Ultimately, the film cares less about changing Lance back into a man and more about what Lance the pigeon can teach Lance the man about teamwork. Spies in Disguise is a silly film, but it’s fun and has a nice lesson to share.
As the Will Smith shtick has gotten old
His acting can leave one in the cold
Hence, a new hybrid blend
Is this a new trend?
I’d hate for him to be pigeon-holed
Rated PG, 102 Minutes
Director: Nick Bruno, Troy Quane
Writer: Brad Copeland, Lloyd Taylor
Genre: Heart-felt goofery
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The parents of children who have been forced to watch Dora once too often
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Jealous CIA pedants
