Where else would you set a Romanian crime film but in the Canary islands? And while you’re there, let’s teach everybody a new whistling language largely unused by Romanians, Spaniards, or even canaries. Don’t worry. What you don’t understand now will pale compared to what you don’t understand by the end of this film.
OK, let’s begin with the parts I did understand: there’s a cop, Cristi (Vlad Ivanov). And he’s in the Canary Islands because, if I’m understanding this correctly, he has to get information from a small-time hood, Zsolt (Sabin Tambrea). Zsolt knows where there’s a metric ton of Euros stolen from the mob. The plot thickens cuz we don’t know if Cristi is crooked or not, and the mob is pretty much tracking everything Cristi does.
In the Canaries, Cristi has a contact, a femme fatale of sorts named Gilda (Catrinel Marlon). Despite never having met Cristi, she greets him with a kiss, invites him up and surreptitiously gives him several hundred Euros so he can treat her as a call girl for the sake of fooling the mob tail. And yes, her apartment is bugged with sound and camera, so there won’t be any half-assed “escortin’,” so-to-speak. Look, when you go to these lengths to act as an escort, that’s 
not going undercover, that’s fulfilling a fantasy.
That’s a small and nearly comprehensible moment in this caper; the nutty part comes when Cristi is essentially forced to learn the secret whistling language of the Canary Islands so that he and his new pals can pull a fast one on mob and police alike. And I sure hope you think that sounds funny because this film is listed as a comedy, though you’d never know it from all the deadpan. Perhaps it’s all tongue-in-cheek … or in this case index-finger-in-cheek to make that riotous whistle.
The Whistlers made for an odd composite – while each scene individually presented was a relatively positive experience, the overall film proved extremely difficult to follow. Even now, I wish I’d found the Cliff Notes on this film so I could properly understand what I’d seen … and why it was truly necessary for our alliance-shifting protagonist to learn the whistling language of ancient Canary Island denizens. Was it just to distinguish this among other heist films? That I’d buy.
This cop needs to speak without words
So he adopts some systemic absurds
With this shrill dual wall
Is it “stop!” or cat call?
This silly language is for the birds
Not Rated, 97 Minutes
Director: Corneliu Porumboiu
Writer: Corneliu Porumboiu
Genre: Gonna say … crime? Didn’t understand much of this film, but I’m pretty sure they did some some crimes
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Not easily addled Romanians
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Are you one of those people who gets frustrated that they can’t whistle? Steer far clear of this one.
