Hold up. The fun of The Boy *spoiler alert* lay within the idea that nothing supernatural was going on; it just seemed like that. Now, Brahms is alive?! What’s up with that? Did this Pinocchio wish upon an evil star? Oh, Brahms has been alive for generations, has he? And he’s telepathic? And something of a puppet master?! Well, the latter is kinda interesting given that The Boy resembles a ventriloquist dummy. But, in the first movie, The Boy is a doll and only a doll, not a demon. Now, The Boy is a demon inside a doll. This all violates one of the prime directives of sequel: never annul the canon … especially if you can’t produce a superior product.
In the wake of a hostage-style break-in, Liza, Sean, and Jude (Katie Holmes, Owain Yeoman, and Christopher Convery) have moved to the country. No one blames them, although it sure would have been nice to know why there was a burglary/hostage style break-in to begin with. No? We’re not on a need-to-know, movie? Your aloof position is not making me happy, and we haven’t even gotten to the universe wrecking.
Jude doesn’t speak any longer. Cat burglars got his tongue. This puts his parents in an awkward position as you can’t really say “no” to child who has been traumatized, especially when it happened under your watch. So when Jude finds The Boy, a prissy two-foot tall doll buried in the woods, who’s gonna tell him, “That thing should be thrown in a compactor, then crushed, riced, burned, and scattered to the winds?” Nobody, that’s who. Instead, Katie Holmes uses those acting skills she’s stored up all these years to clean the thing and present it for company.
Oh, but The Boy has a name … “Brahms.” How do we know? Brahms told Jude his name. Well, of course he did. Did Brahms also tell you to dress like him? And go over his rules (which include a bedtimes story)? Liza and Sean are so ecstatic that the kid is talking -even if to a demon doll- that they
fail to recognize that either Brahms is alive or their child needs daily therapy.
Funny the difference a letter or two makes. Brahms: The Boy Toy is a much different film, isn’t it?
In short, Jude starts taking the doll everywhere and starts dressing like the doll. Good thing he isn’t controlled by an evil Winnie-the-Pooh, huh? Brahms doesn’t do much of anything besides turn his head for shock value, but we get the idea that the doll is slowly imposing his will on the child. So that’s fun.
Brahms: The Boy II was a lazy remake of a mildly clever original. It’s hard to take anything positive from the film; the action isn’t compelling and the horror is barely horrible. If you can convince yourself that a porcelain doll is out to get you, I suppose Brahms could give you the willies. Speaking of porcelain dolls, it was nice to see Katie Holmes again; I assume she’s been locked underground in the Cruise compound. Maybe she got some fresh air during what couldn’t have been more than two hours of shooting.
♪Lullaby, have a fright
Seems your doll’s not all right
He’s alive
And evil
You’r gonna bend to his will
Go to sleep
Rest your head
Tomorrow’s choc’ full o’ dread♫
Rated PG-13, 86 Minutes
Director: William Brent Bell
Writer: Stacey Menear
Genre: Evil Pinocchio
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The horror desperate
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People afraid of toys
♪ Parody Inspired by “Brahms Lullaby”
