Who’s up for an Alison Brie acting seminar? Joel McHale? Chevy Chase? I’m sure you guys aren’t doing anything right now. Horse Girl asks an audience to indulge an evening of crazy as we watch a mildly talented, mildly attractive recluse give us a performance we aren’t mildly likely to forget … or forgive any time soon. I never saw Sybil; is there a point at which you just want to tell Sally Field, “Please stop. We get it?”
Sarah (Brie) is a peon in one of those fabric stores: a Yan Barn, Hobby Lobby, Skein Scene, Stitch Ditch, Spool School, Thread Stead, whatever … Boy, this is fun, I could go all day. Sew Chateau? Knit Pit? Brocade Promenade? Chintz Mints? Ok, I’ll stop. Just know I have more. Her one true friend is Joan (Molly Shannon), who serves as both co-worker and surrogate mother. Shannon isn’t on the screen very much, which is good because whenever she is, the film essentially becomes a weak SNL sketch.
Despite an outward air of friendliness, Sarah is far from Miss Congeniality. Joan is the only one who celebrates Sarah’s birthday, a pathetic co-worker affair. Outside the fabric store, Sarah spends time in exactly two places: her apartment and the local horse ranch where –without being paid or encouraged- Sarah offers “helpful” tips to young girls learning to ride. She strikes me as the kind of woman who never grew out of her horse phase, which would explain the title because nothing else does. It’s hard to buy that Sarah is so lonely given her looks, but then her personality appears which comes off as both reclusive and socially blind. Ok, I buy it now.
And then the dreams come. And we are forced to ask ourselves: “Is Sarah delusional or moronic?” The film shows us a dream where Sarah is lying in an all-white sound stage in-between two people she doesn’t know and has never met. The next day, she sees one of the people on the street! Ok, movie, you got my attention. So what would you do about that? I don’t know what the correct answer is, but “stalk the guy” and then pretend to be his new client doesn’t strike me as A) Correct or B) Entertaining. Geez, movie, why go in this direction?
Horse Girl essentially asks us to follow Sarah down the rabbit hole. Is there a rationale for the dreams, the sleepwalking, the odd coincidences, or the fact that she looks exactly like her long deceased grandmother? My guess is you’ll stop caring long before you get to the answer. I wish I had better things to say about this creative film, but in the end Horse Girl did little more than draw attention to the acting of Alison Brie. The plot and all characters became secondary, neigh tertiary. It’s all about the Brie, the Brie, Brie. No Shannon. That’s not good enough for me, for me, for me.
♪Every night she wakes up in a field
Claiming that she’s her grandma
Showed up naked at work twice this week
Should I get her some help? Naw.
The girl is sane
That horsey girl is sane
She claims her dreams are real
(Perfectly normal)
She has no friends, what’s the deal?
(She’s just informal)
Some come and see
Miss Freaky get down
Check the:
Nails in the caulking
And the
Guy that she’s stalking
Her claim that
Aliens are talking♫
Rated R, 103 Minutes
Director: Jeff Baena
Writer: Jeff Baena, Alison Brie
Genre: Acting seminar on crazy
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: You gotta really, really, dig Alison Brie
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Those who do not need to see Alison’s one-woman tour-de-force
♪ Parody Inspired by “The Girl Is Mine”
