You’re not gonna believe this, but there was a time in this country in which Kenny Loggins would write a song and then call up producers to see if they couldn’t make a movie to go with it. Ok, that isn’t actually true, but it might describe better what possessed producers to finance the homoerotic military adventure/music video Top Gun. Try to remember this film took place at a time when “don’t ask don’t tell” was considered a progressive attitude for the US military.
In case you never ran across this spoilerrific conversation, Quentin Tarantino established years ago the best and only reasonable take on Top Gun: it is one man’s struggle with his own homosexuality. The conversation can be found here from the movie Sleep with Me. I’m not here to debate this point of view, but simply color it and add in a few of my observations of this disgustingly overrated “classic.”
So Kenny Loggins did indeed write the song “Danger Zone” and the producers did approve a movie. At this time in our country’s history, the powers that be thought the Russians were a greater enemy than the Democrats, hence the film greenlighted was –I believe- an intended anti-Commie piece of propaganda about US Navy aviators at flight school competing to be Top Gun, the biggest dick in the whole dickpile.
LT Pete “Maverick” Mitchell is (Tom Cruise) is the brash, egocentric popinjay who just knows he’s the best of the best. Can he prove it and find love at the same time? And who will that love come from? His rival, LT Tom “Iceman” Kazansky (Val Kilmer), his navigator, LTJG Nick “Goose” Bradshaw (Anthony Edwards), or his Top Gun instructor Charlotte “I’m an actual real life WOMAN” Blackwood (Kelly McGillis)? Oh, Maverick flirts with all three, but whom does he really think has lost that lovin’ feeling?
The 1980s birthed the music video age and Top Gun was a sad reflection of the time. As presented, the movie is essentially an extended ad for the US Navy as we watch cool pilots do cool things while playing with expensive toys. Unfortunately, Kenny Loggins ran out of material to fill the entire two hours, so Tony Scott told a tepid, quasi-believable multiple-player love story to fill the vacuum … about a cool-but-immature little snot and the people he’s destined to hurt.
For people who enjoy looking at Tom Cruise, the mid-1980s was a gilded time in movie history. OTOH, for people who enjoy movies, mid-80s Tom Cruise was a useless git. Between Risky Business and Rain Man, every Cruise movie had the underlying theme of “Tom Cruise is cool!” The difference in Top Gun versus, say, The Color of Money or All the Right Moves is that Top Gun was designed to appeal to the man who, say, enjoys the company of other men. I’m sure there are those who disagree, but let me direct you to a few features of this film:
1) There is greater sexual tension in Top Gun between rivals “Maverick” and “Iceman” than between lovers “Maverick” and “Charlie.”
2) “Charlie.” Man’s name on a woman. Dresses like one of the boys, often. Neither of those is an accident.
3) “Maverick” obviously loves “Goose” more than any other person around him. Sure, that could be just brotherly affection … or it could be more of a spousal affection kind of thing.
4) When Cruise croons “Lovin’ Feeling” to Charlie in the bar scene, what happens? A whole team of f*** boys crowd in to help him. That’s not solidarity by uniform…that is something else entirely.
5) The volleyball scene. I will remind the jury at this time that –outside of porn- gay sex was on film was not a thing in the 1980s. Heck, it barely is now. This indulgence is as close to a homosexual encounter as the 80s could come.
All I’m sayin’ is not only Quentin Tarantino was dead on; I don’t think he took his thesis far enough; not only is Top Gun about one man’s struggle for his sexual identity, the entire film is struggling for a sexual identity.
And what about the film? Pile of crap. Perhaps if you watch fighter jet films the way small boys watch sports movies (“Screw this talkin’ crap, get back to playing Rollerball”), you’ll love several scenes in Top Gun. I found the lead character a sassy, reckless, ego-maniacal prick and the love story fairly meh as a result. I left the theater in 1986 with zero interest in signing up for the US Navy – and I would have been exactly the right age at the time. Whatever this film had to say about piloting skillz, Russians, politics, or love was lost in loud music video. One-and-a-half stars is being generous; I have absolutely no desire to see Top Gun or its upcoming sequel.
But I will.
♪I’m all that
Nobody wants to dis me
Even though I act like a twat
And stand about four-foot-three
Watch what you like,
You’ll be glued to my moves
For me, it’s too easy
Dunno what that proves
I’m so rad
The kids are gonna cheer me on
Try to ignore
This thing’s a great big yawn♫
Rated PG, 110 Minutes
Director: Tony Scott
Writer: Jim Cash & Jack Epps Jr. & Warren Skaaren
Genre: The masquerade of homosexuality
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Boys who like to play with guns
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People for whom music video holds little appeal
♪ Parody Inspired by “I’m Alright”
