One wonders why you’d want to make Despicable Me so badly that you’d settle for “A Series of Unfortunate Events.” It would seem that Netflix is gonna cash-in on this entertainment dearth whether you’re onboard or not, capisce? So they rush a few films to production … what do you care so long as junior allows you to catnap, right?
The Willoughbys are a fine example of a nuclear family – mom, dad, two children and a pair of :shudder: twins, plus a housecat who sounds like Ricky Gervais. Well, this would be a perfectly normal -if a tad too ginger- nuclear family if the parents acknowledged their children even a little. Tim (voice of Will Forte) has the unpleasant task of pulling an Oliver! early on as the kids spy dinner hoarded by their greedrents. Father and Mother (Martin Short and Jane Krakowski) are awfully affectionate for asshole parents. Problem is, they are affectionate with one another and it stops there.
Jane (Alessia Cara) has all the ideas in this household, but she squanders them on self-pitying serenades and “what if” scenarios. The twins are both named “Barnaby.” Between them, they own one sweater and share it constantly. That’s kind of clever. Completely wasted, however, is the film’s setting. The Willoughby mansion is a peninsula surrounded on three sides by monstrous office building. In the interior, the mostly vertical structure pays homage to past Willoughbys, all possessing –boys and girls alike—formidable battle mustaches. The line has ended at Father, who cannot seem to produce more than a John Waters caterpillar. Yet, hairless Tim is determined to bring the handlebar legacy back to life.
After some dithering over exactly how negligent the parents are (criminally, it would seem), a plot springs to life when a baby is dropped on the Willoughby doorstep. Mother and Father give their own children a Sophie’s Choice: you may keep the baby or your ability to continue living in this house, but not both. And in cruel sympathy, the quartet of abandonees decides maybe being an orphan ain’t so bad.
This film is a classic example of uneven. There are gags that will make you snicker and a plot available for empathy. And then there are portions of the film that make you wonder what the scene was intended to do? Why introduce an abandoned baby if your heroes are going to abandon it again two scenes later? That doesn’t make any sense. Why is it the job of four pre-teens to assume motherhood and then child protection services? I kind of like the idea of two adults so narcissistic they put their own love far above that of their children, but it’s hard to address their villainy directly as it’s constantly couched in misplaced affection.
The Willoughbys remains about two or three drafts away from greatness. For instance, did none of the children discover that their foster family was a better situation? How could that be? And why is Tim so damn proud of being a Willoughby? Not only have his namesakes rejected him, science has cruelly denied Tim their formidable genetic trait. In fact, Tim’s character by itself could use a serious overhaul. Why are the other children following a person which such poor leadership skills? I certainly enjoyed parts of this film … and small children will die at the idea of growing up in a candy factory, but while these Willoughbys may well prove adequate babysitter during corona times, this film is not the full family escape you’re looking for.
Four kids have an idea all right
To all become orphans overnight
Why not further, of course
And join the work force
The world still needs chimney sweeps, right?
Rated PG, 90 Minutes
Director: Kris Pearn, Cory Evans, Rob Lodermeier
Writer: Kris Pearn and Mark Stanleigh
Genre: Netflix attempts at Despicable Me
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Precocious children
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Precocious adults
