I was hoping for a remake of Dangerous Liaisons. You know, something like Cruel Intentions—a film honoring the callous, moneyed folk who grew up to hold jobs in the Trump cabinet. Sure, I wasn’t wild that the lead (Camila Mendes) is known exactly for being nothing like the Veronica Lodge from Archie Comics. Hey, that’s hardly her fault, right? Let’s see her liaise dangerously.
This thriller isn’t Dangerous Liaisons, nor is it Cruel Intentions; in fact, the first half of the film is barely lukewarm liaisons. It takes forever for something significant to happen in this film, and, when it does, the leads make such poor choices that continuing to watch proved extremely tiresome. The paucity of action centers around young and stupid married couple Katie (Mendes) and Adam (Jessie T. Usher). She’s a diner waitress; he’s working on a degree in big book learnin’.
Adam foils a robbery attempt, and naturally drops out of school as a result. No, I didn’t understand that either. The film simply cuts to “Four Months Later” with a scene at home. The couple is struggling with bills; Katie has become a caregiver for a lonely old man (Elliott Gould) and Adam has become an unemployed Homer Simpson.
It really is sad when you catch talented actors phoning it in. Elliott Gould has been around forever and he clearly had something better to do than this movie. His delivery is so stilted and unconvincing I felt like I was watching the Hallmark channel. Hope you enjoyed that payday, Hawkeye.
Speaking of paydays, after forty minutes of nothing, a movie happens. And it’s bad. I think the director decided halfway through that the plot sucked and nothing was going on, so he and the screenwriter invented a new story that kinda fit the facts … and kinda didn’t. The important part was that the leads make stupid choice after stupid choice, my personal favorite being when these two find a dead body in their new house and not just consider calling the police and shooting down the idea … they don’t even consider calling the police. Sure, cuz why wouldn’t you want to look suspicious when you inherit a zillion dollar house out of the blue?
I won’t continue. Dangerous Lies is a bad film, an unengaging film, and compensates for such with a complete lack of titillation. You want to make an impression, Camila/Jessie? Lay off the girl scout/boy scout roles. The only actor I can name who made her name out of living in acting zone A was Anne Hathaway … and she got much, much better scripts than this one.
“This house is mine?! Have I got a winner.
From now on, I’m a cheek-to-cheek grinner!”
“I just searched the study
And there’s a dead body.”
“Well, should we bury or invite him to dinner?”
Rated TV-14, 96 Minutes
Director: Michael M. Scott
Writer: David Golden
Genre: I wouldn’t care even if were engaged
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Camila Mendes’ mom
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Film nuts
