Are you trying to piss me off with that title? There’s no reason to invoke a random reptile. Totally uncalled for. The gemstone could have been a “Blue (anything)” … a Blue Scarab, a Blue Diaphragm, a Blue Lagoon – that would have been funny, right? There was no need to invoke some random pea-brained reptile; you’re not making the amphibian guy happy and I’m gonna have to dock you for it.
Ah yes, meet your average greasy spoon where two not-so-average ex-felon diner jockeys still dream. Eddie (Sam Rockwell) is into comic books; Paul (Ben Schwartz) fancies himself a movie director. This is the America I grew up with, where even hardened two-bit felons have dreams. Enter the Clark (Phoebe Fox). We know she’s a Clark because nobody outside the movies deliberately chooses to look like a librarian. Not even librarians. Oh, Katherine (Fox) is English. Does that explain her Clark-ery? Is this one of those things where we have to take her seriously because while she could look like a Victoria Secret model, she’s deliberately chosen to appear and speak as if she’s about to give a seminar on Global Warming?
Katherine has a job for which she needs the Americans. Within five minutes, the Americans are on a plane to London and within fifteen minutes, the job has been botched, making everyone unhappy. What are plots for? If nothing else, to introduce the Blue Iguana, a next generation version of that gaudy stone from Titanic. The American team wants it, Katherine wants it, the Big English Boss wants it -as do his team of amoral wankers- and while nobody knows just what they’d do with such a stone exactly, it makes for a good MacGuffin. Now, how about that title: The Blue MacGuffin?
The film is about the personalities; with a Guy Ritchie-like crime film set-up of everybody-is-at-least-two-shades-of-dirty-but-some-are-cleaner-than-others, the idea is to form a rooting interest. Do we really want to see the ogre get the stone? Or the mulleted cretin? No. But how about the wimpy pacifist future film director? Or the comic book alter ego guy? Or, hey, how about the Clark down on her luck? Midway through the film, Phoebe Fox undergoes a Clark transition –from librarian to supermodel- so dramatic it belongs in a museum. What?! You mean she was gorgeous all along? Who knew?! Turns out She’s All That. I couldn’t tell whether to laugh out loud while feeling sorry for the film, or wax nostalgic by how common a cinematic cliché this used to be.
I seem drawn to Sam Rockwell these days. He’s fairly reliable for not only a good performance, but often something you’ll like about a film you didn’t like [read: Richard Jewell] I’ve now seen Rockwell as the oddball romantic lead in consecutive films and Hollywood, you can do a lot worse. Sam Rockwell is fantastic at playing the guy who knows you can do better but wants to throw his hat into the ring anyway. He rarely summons a performance you don’t want to root for; that’s probably about as high as my praise gets.
Very much a Guy Ritchie type of silver screen exploration, Blue Iguana is a crime film with an eclectic mix of Brits and Yanks and most everybody has a colorful personality and a joke to tell. And, like a Guy Ritchie film, it’s a little too bloody and violent for my tastes. AS I’ve now mentioned Ritchie four times, perhaps I owe it to mention the genuine writer/director of this film at least once. Hadi Hajaig. There, happy? I don’t think I love Blue Iguana as a crime film. I don’t think I love Blue Iguana as a romance. And I don’t think I love Blue Iguana as a comedy. But as all three, it’s not bad. I don’t think it deserves awards, but there are worse ways to spend a COVID night.
Falling in love on the job seems a fail
Yet romance is the criminal’s white whale
Think about the graces
In the thrill of two chases
If nothing else, you’ll need somebody to post bail
Not Rated, 100 Minutes
Director: Hadi Hajaig
Writer: Hadi Hajaig
Genre: Honor, er “Honour” among thieves
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Crime junkies
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Law enforcement
