First of all, let me say how encouraging it is to see Emile Hirsch with a beer gut. Last time I can remember seeing him, he was a size negative two and dying of malnourishment Into the Wild. Now, he looks like a guy who has three pub days a week. Well done, you.
Speaking of Freaks, today’s movie is all about ‘em and their powers. But mostly it’s about a motherless little girl who has to take “normal” practice like she’s gonna run into ICE any day now. Dad (Hirsch) lives alone with Chloe (Lexy Kolker) and teachers her the proper responses to questions when you expect your illegal seven-year-old to be questioned by the FBI. Oh, if only Michael Flynn had Dad coach him on his lies; then maybe we could have avoided the whole Flynn-committing-treason thing. Oh, I’m sorry, that was several scandals ago when I wrote the first draft of this review. The Trump embarrassment du jour is commuting the sentence of Roger Stone. And by the time I’ve written that, I’m sure the Orange Flush will do something else that would be impeachable by standards common to every.other.president. Anyway … Chloe gives answers that will remind Bugs Bunny viewers of: “I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.”
The coaching is only half of it. What Dad really fears is that Chloe will figure out she has psychic powers. He drills “normality” into her like Fox News drills fear into consumers. You see, Dad and Chloe both have supernatural abilities and the supernaturals are hunted down in this dystopia. Chloe’s psychic mom was killed by the feds years ago. So to protect his kid from the fate of being locked in a lab and plugged into a wall, Dad impresses upon Chloe that she is normal, and it’s perfectly normal to have a cover identity for strangers, right? Chloe often fights back:
“You’re normal”
“No, I’m not!”
“Yes, you are!”
“But I can make gramps wet his pants!”
“Honey, anybody can do that. All you have to do is tell him the NRA has opened a Black Lives Matter chapter. That will totally wig him out.”
Speaking of gramps, Bruce Dern shows up posing as an ice cream salesman to lure Chloe out of her house. It’s really difficult to know what to root for here – at the time Granpa is introduced, he’s just a sleazy old man in a disguise that could only fool a seven-year-old. We know he’s not an ice cream man. As a parent, I’m horrified at the seven-year-old girl defying orders to go get ice cream. OTOH, Bruce Dern is the biggest name in the cast; he’s probably not a bad guy … and if she doesn’t go, how does the plot move forward?
Freaks had a shoestring budget of cheap actors and few sets. It shows. I bet I could put together a go fund me to get Emile Hirsch and Bruce Dern for a film, too. And the X-Men equivalent thing has been done to death lately in films ranging from Freaks cheap to “Jennifer Lawrence is an extra” expensive. So I can’t say I’m particularly partial to the elements of the film. That said, I did genuinely care for what happened to Chloe and how the psychic snow job could be executed with a child so astute. There’s also a level of Room-like brainwashing that makes both viewer and character want to know what the real story is. Is it enough to save the film? Not for me, but then I’m rarely misunderstood.
When junior is a psychic Godzilla
Getting ice cream turns into a thrilla
No Chloe! Not there!
You’re in for a scare!
‘Cuz the man is fresh out of vanilla
Rated R, 105 Minutes
Director: Zach Lipovsky, Adam B. Stein
Writer: Zach Lipovsky, Adam B. Stein
Genre: Another extended conformity metaphor
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Misunderstood kids
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Understood kids
