Sixty years ago, the Puerto Ricans of NYC took on the Jets. Three score years later, they’ve worked their way up to Vampires. Perhaps in another few generations, they’ll go head-to-head with Terminators. For now, however, it’s all about bloodsuckers and a failing Dominican bodega.
The owner of the bodega is Tony (The Kid Mero), who proudly displays a Sammy Sosa baseball bat, which I think takes some balls doing so in the Bronx. Ok, I mean clearly you can see this as the Yankees have never employed a decent Domincan baseball player … aside from Robinson Canó that is …oh, and Alfonso Soriano … yeah, and Edwin Encarnación and Bartolo Colón, Melky Cabrera, Iván Nova and literally a dozen others. But I digress.
Tony’s bodega is not doing well financially. It doesn’t help that the place doubles as a youth center for our heroes Miguel (Jaden Michael), Bobby (Gerald Jones III), and Luis (Gregory Diaz IV). In the film, gangsters dub the bespectacled Luis as the “Puerto Rican Harry Potter” which is my favorite personal transgression of the month. Realizing their benefactor’s plight, the boys are hosting a block party to keep the bodega afloat.
Meanwhile, vampires have moved in and taken over several other businesses. It works like this: the small business owner is 
promised a boatload of money, gladly agrees and makes big plans, but instead of seeing the sack with the $ on it, the owner gets drained of their life force until they’re just an empty husk. I say this is a pretty good metaphor for the Trump administration. MAGA!
It goes without saying in a movie like this that teenagers discover the existence of vampires long before the adults … and, of course, nobody believes them, so it’s up to Miguel, Bobby, and the Puerto Rican Chosen One to thwart the vamps by themselves.
Does it work? Well, when it comes to teens battling the apocalypse, there’s no beating “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Accept no substitutes! But that doesn’t leave Vampires vs. the Bronx without charm. I liked the kids, especially the leader, Miguel. The film is very amusing in places; there’s near laugh riot regarding an interruption in the final battle. It’s also nice to see films like this starring people of color. For those of us who are used to seeing the black character get done in first, it’s quite refreshing to see a horror film where several black characters remain alive. Black Lives Matter … even in vampire films.
Survival comes down to some teens
Who must purge evil by any means
The Bronx is full of vamps
But before you call gramps
You should see what they’ve got up in Queens
Rated PG-13, 85 Minutes
Director: Oz Rodriguez
Writer: Blaise Hemingway
Genre: Black horror!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who never lost their taste for Buffy
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Vampires
