I wouldn’t nominate this film on the first ballot for the far-fetched hall of fame…but I’d certainly sponsor an honorable mention for The Courier. I mean how often in life are you going to find a situation where the secret plot to assassinate a material witness is foiled by the person who successfully delivers the exact means for carrying out the assassination plot? Who wrote this?
Clearly, Ms. The Courier, you expected shenanigans … I mean why else would a decorated combat veteran double as a bike messenger? And, quite frankly, why would a government SWAT team/protection detail need a package, anyway? Did they forget some gear? Yeah, that sounds like a SWAT team. So, yes, you saw through their little game and –although the movie never says it—you commandeered the delivery so as to make sure of what? Justice? Defense of the defenseless? Mutually assured ass-kickings? But –and help me out here, because I really do not understand- you delivered the package anyway?!
Were you hoping for a tip? Maybe a five-star review from the folks who are going to kill you? That’s gonna look great on Yelp: “Well, gosh, she was incredibly naïve and really slow on the uptake, but what service!”
The package was supposed to implicate The Courier, but did no such thing as, gosh darnit, that silly Courier refused to die. Might I suggest that all messengers wear bullet-proof vests for deliveries? Or, heck, why stop at deliveries? Or messengers? Every American should have bullet-proof clothing on at all times, including in bed … I’m looking at you, Breonna Taylor. I apologize; that was a terrible joke in condemnation of American policing and gun culture. To say the very least, Breonna Taylor deserves better than she got.
But I digress. Point is that The Courier saves the witness from hostilities only to encounter a great many more hostilities. Most of The Courier takes place in a closed off parking garage. Essentially, the bad guys seal off the exits and hunt for sport. While this seems a tad drastic, I cannot help but wonder what normal garage patrons do. Would you take a chance on getting caught in crossfire to leave a parking lot on time? I suppose it 
depends on the parking lot. I live near San Francisco; do you know what they charge for parking in The City?! You’d take your chances, too.
The action in this film isn’t bad, and playing “the world’s most dangerous game” is always a crowd pleaser. That’s the asset side of the ledger. On the debit side: Do we really think Olga Kurylenko is a star? I am not sold on that one. And there’s no confrontation in the film between hero and puppet-master villain. The usually reliable Gary Oldman showed up and assumed his eyepatch would do all the heavy lifting in this film. It’s not a bad assumption; it’s also not a correct one. And, as I’ve explained in paragraphs above, I can’t figure out how this particular Courier gets to that meeting place and why. Doesn’t make sense. What’s left is a bloody mess, big on action, little on explanation. Unless you’re a fight junkie, this one ain’t worth it.
This Courier’s life sure ain’t great
Check out her recipient’s hate:
Murder all with a thrill
And blame her for the kill
Imagine if she were thirty minutes late!
Rated R, 99 Minutes
Director: Zackary Adler
Writer: Zackary Adler, James Edward Barker, Andy Conway, Andrew Prendergast, Nicky Tate
Genre: Parking Garage fun
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Delivery guys with active imaginations
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Real life villains
