Wow, do you folks not understand your opponents. Look, I know, for example, The Right (generally) sees no hypocrisy in killing an abortion provider to show they believe in the right to life, but anti-gun people are actually 100% anti-gun. They don’t really believe in “fighting fire with fire,” that using guns to force anti-gun legislation is even a consideration, much less a strategy. But here we are with a mock Jackie Chan film disguised as a political treatise in the action thriller The 2nd – which in my head now reads as “The Twond,” because for all the political bull, it makes zero political points about any amendment at all. The plot of The Twond is about terrorists influencing a Supreme Court vote on 2nd Amendment rights by kidnapping a justice and his daughter, but –despite all the peripheral mention of gun rights– the neverending gunplay is the only way you can tell what side the movie is on. Clever.
This film is your standard lone wolf shoot ‘em up. We’ve seen this action plot starring Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme and Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenneger, ya? I’m comparing it to Jackie Chan for a few reasons: 1) I think the fight choreography attempted prop use, 2) the setting of an empty college dorm/campus strikes me as far more Jackie than the rest, and 3) for all the intended badassery, Ryan Phillippe is not a “one punch” guy. Just like Jackie, Ryan ain’t taking you ought with one haymaker. Uh uh. No way.
It is the last day of the semester at the University of College and two students remain waiting to be picked up: Erin Walton (Lexi Simonsen), the daughter of a Supreme Court justice and Shawn (Jack Griffo), the son of a green beret. It’s Shawn’s job to make sure every student goes away, so it’s not entirely implausible that he’d wait on Erin, especially since the film made it clear three scenes ago that he fancies the girl. Her limo driver turns out to be not the regular guy, but Casper Van Dien. And you thought there wasn’t a good reason to know Starship Troopers. Well, to be truthful, there isn’t, but it just might come in handy when you’re about to be kidnapped by Casper Van Dien.
That’s ok; our side has Ryan Phillippe.
Major Vic Davis (Phillippe) knows something is afoot when he comes to collect Shawn…well, you might, too, if you went to a place and everybody there stopped their business to stare at you; it’s like that Eddie Murphy sketch
where all the remaining people on the bus wait for the black guy to leave to have a party. Now, be careful, Vic, cuz Casper seems to have brought all his li’l trooper buddies to collect one teenager. In real life, are simple kidnappings orchestrated by a dozen people with no regard for collateral damage? It doesn’t matter; at this point it’s all about thwarting the bad guys and getting the good guys to safety. Whatever message this movie had got lost in the student union building.
Movies like this require not only a high suspension of disbelief, but great fight choreography. Movie fight choreography is, indeed, better than it used to be, and there’s no question that The Twond tried very hard to make B actors look like war machines … but don’t trot Ryan Phillipe in front of me and pretend I’m watching Willis or Van Damme or Chan. For a film that tells you in the title it’s about The 2nd amendment, the film had absolutely nothing to say about the amendment itself and, at times, The Twond comes off as more than a little sexist. “Women can be badasses, too? Not on my watch.” You know, Casper and Ryan still look good; heck , why wouldn’t they? But there is absolutely nothing compelling me to watch this film a 2nd time. I shouldn’t have even seen it 1ce.
This thesis: revolting and scary
Yet I’m not sure what truth it can carry
Let me get this straight:
“Love wins over hate
By behaving just like Dirty Harry”
Not Rated, 93 Minutes
Director: Brian Skiba
Writer: Eric Bromberg, Paul Taegel
Genre: Jackie Chan film w/o Jackie Chan
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Vigilante lovers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Actual lawmakers, I imagine
